


Memory of The Princess

by superscavenger



Category: The 100
Genre: Amnesia, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-03-20 00:09:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3629331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superscavenger/pseuds/superscavenger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa's in trouble. And the Tri Kru cannot ignore the only person who might be able to bring her back from the deep pits of her fractured mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: Word Spreads

Hooves hit the soil heavily. The echoes of horses galloping through the forests hit trees for miles around, the woods silent in these new days.

The Grounders had finally began to expand their hunting radius, up into Mt Weather's circulation once they had received word the mountain had fallen. 

It was a stellar new day in the history of the land. Peace had fallen between the Sky People and the Tri Kru; Abigail of Skai Kru and Indra of the Tri Kru met briefly to finalise a treaty that was easily made, despite the earlier betrayal. The war was over. They may not need to work together, but living together in peace without interference from the Mountain would be an easier task. 

Neither side talked about their true leaders. 

It was clear that the Commander would be much too busy to partake what could be called a mundane affair, and the Sky Princess was a legend within the Grounder villages. The anti-hero they feared and respected. 

Once it was done, they did not interfere with one another again, sometimes meeting in the forest during hunts.

Not until this day. 

Indra, Echo and a few other select grounders make their way quickly from TonDC, their one mission clear in their heads.

'Hod op.' 

All the warriors come to a stark halt behind Indra's horse. Of course the General would be the only one to notice a Skai Kru trip wire, for hunting. She knows that they are close now.

'Drag raun hir. I will approach slowly. Then when I am given permission to enter, you follow.' 

Indra dismounts her horse and leads him over the trip wire. She herself climbs over it and leaves the the group in her wake, as they wait for their chief warrior to provide the signal.

She approaches through the clearing, beginning to hear shouts of the Skai Kru Guards.

They seem to realise it is her when they open the gate freely, allowing her entry. The rest of the grounder group follows then, and they keep the gate open. 

'I wish to speak to Abby Griffin, and her only.'

The newly promoted Major Miller begins to retreat to one of the tents set up, where Abby is currently tending to a patient. 

Echo appears at Indra's side. 

She speaks in English, unlike her usual self.

'She must be here. She just won't want to show her face.'

'You're wrong, young warrior. She will not want to see ours.' 

Indra directs her attention to her Skai Kru counterpart, who has emerged from the tent and is walking towards the group of Grounders. They're all grounders now, if they think about it. 

'Indra. It is a surprise to see you here again, but a pleasant one. What can we do for you?'

Indra is about to answer when she sees Octavia and Lincoln. 

Octavia is bare faced and sharpening her sword, ready to go hunting for the afternoon. A bow and quiver sit by her side: Lincoln must teaching her the art of shooting. Lincoln meanwhile draws in his book, his face bare of paint and his attire much less fierce than what it used to be. 

Octavia looks up, catching Indra's stare and narrowing her eyes somewhat. She was never extremely happy to see the General, especially when Echo accompanied her. The Tri Kru girl was, after all, her replacement. 

Lincoln refused to even look up. 

'May we speak in private?' 

'Of course. Follow me.'

The two walk briskly into the ship.

Behind her, Indra hears fast footsteps.

'Bellamy!' 

Echo has run over to where Bellamy is stationed, preparing rifles for the hunt. She walks over to the opposite side of his table, having not seen him since the treaty was formed. 

They had become somewhat friends, but not to the extent of any physical contact. Just a conversation was enough to brighten Bellamy's day. There were times when he got fed up of his friends from the Ark. It wasn't the same when there wasn't much to do. 

Abby gestured for Indra to sit, she herself sinking into a chair the opposite side. 

'What can I do for you, Indra?'

'This will sound...strange. There is a problem that we need your help with, and it is not something we've seen before. Ever in our history.' 

'Go on.'

'The Commander,' Indra begins, Abby stiffening in her seat, 'was on a hunt in the woods with Luna of the Boat Clan and myself some days ago. She was thrown off her horse and thrown against a tree.'

'Is she alright?' She can't help but ask. 

'Her physical injuries will heal. It is the mental ones that Nyko cannot seem to diagnose. We are greatly worried - she's refusing food and water. It's only a matter of time until we'll have to feed her without her permission.'

'What are the symptoms?'

'She seems to remember nothing. She is disoriented, she knows none of her most trusted soldiers and generals. She cannot even remember Costia.'

'Right, amnesia. Quite acute.'

'That's not the end of it, Abby. There is only one thing that she has remembered.'

'What?'

~()~

'Hello Octavia.'

'Caris.'

Octavia raises her eyes with pursed lips, taking a look at her former warrior acquaintance. 

'I see you have begun learning archery.'

'Yeah.'

She keeps her mouth shut firmly. She doesn't want to start a full-on conversation. She only really talks to Bellamy and Lincoln these days. Bellamy's conversations with her are even strained. 

'I have come on behalf of Indra with a proposition.'

'Really now? Cause last time I spoke to Indra she basically told me to go fuck myself. I think I'll pass.'

'Octavia.'

Octavia give her a deadpan look. 'Fuck off' is a clear message she has perfect by eyebrow movement. She's quite proud of it. 

'Please. We need your help. You and your brother know her better than anybody.'

Octavia sighs. She knows what Caris is talking about. She doesn't know why, but she knows what. 

She cannot ignore it any longer. 

~()~

'Hey, Bellamy, what's going on?'

Raven comes out of her room in the ship to find Bellamy packing up and getting ready to leave, Octavia doing the same behind him.

'We're leaving for a while. We'll be back.'

'You better be. Weekly scotch doesn't drink itself, and I'd miss seeing you handle your liquor worse than me.'

'Fuck off, Wrench Monkey. Give us a week. Then get worried.'

They laugh and he pulls her in for a quick hug, and she waves at Octavia who smiles wryly and punches her arm, quickly catching up with the departing Grounder crew. Abby is at front with Indra. 

Bellamy turns to leave.

'What's the mission?'

He whips his head round, his expression sobering.

'We're going to find Clarke.'


	2. Skai Heda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke realises that she's not only been hiding from her friends and allies.

The clamour of wood being chopped rings through the forest like a solemn bell. 

Clarke’s violent swing brought down on the wood rips the wood clean in two, her cuts becoming seamless and mechanical with every piece. 

She tries not to think, in these new days. She simply acts. Does. She definitely tries not to feel. That’s the worst thing. Feeling. 

Once the firewood is ready, she dumps it by her makeshift camp and enters her tent, falling upon the camp bed she acquired from some wreckage just outside Mt Weather. 

There is no way around what she’s done. She’s killed over 500 people in the months that she had landed on the soil. 

She had list thought that coming to Earth was a blessing, a privilege that those in the sky would never have.

But maybe, she muses in these past weeks, it was a curse - showing her how merciless this life can be. 

She hiked for miles after leaving Camp Jaha. She did not stop until late into the night, having left early morning. Stopping would have meant remembering. If she could focus on not falling of a cliff or spraining an ankle on the terrain, she wouldn’t have to remember for more than a minute. That killed her. 

She cried herself to sleep for the first two weeks. She’d been strong for her people, she’d bared it so they didn’t have to. And it killed her.

It was Jasper that entered her mind the most out of her friends. His face was the first thing that entered her mind in the morning - the way he looked at her when he realised what she’d done. She was the one who had killed Maya. She was the one who’d taken his love away. 

After a few weeks she’d started to become numb. She didn’t want to feel the pain any more, so she left it in the clearing 20 miles behind her. 

She passed the other side of Mount Weather two weeks ago, collected supplies from a skip outside an entrance to the reaper tunnels, and carried on around, crossing the river. 

She built her camp miles away from anything and the rest is history. 

Or so she wanted it to be. 

She doesn’t sleep. After all, it’s only eight in the evening. Now it’s getting colder, the light left the sky hours earlier. She finds peace in the darkness. There is less to focus on, less lit up to look at. 

She hasn’t allowed herself to think about Lexa. It’s been too painful.

She realises that she made the same choice as her Tri Kru counterpart. Lexa was only protecting her people when she betrayed her. 

She betrayed her ideal when she shot Dante square in the chest. She betrayed it when she pulled that lever forward and ended the life of 100s of people in the most painful way. She killed elderly people. She murdered children by flicking one switch.

Lexa simply extracted herself. She’s not to blame for so much death.

She cannot blame Lexa for a choice that if she’d had the chance, she would have made herself. 

She may be swayed further by her heart, but she would have protected the people she’d been trying to help from the beginning. They couldn’t be ignored in favour of a Grounder Commander who had shown her the first genuine human connection in weeks. 

What she hates about it now is the horrible realisation that her feelings for Lexa haven’t gone away. 

Worse, they’re growing every time the girl’s face enters her head.

And as the initial pain of the betrayal starts to fade, her face is popping in more and more. 

She hates it. 

She doesn’t want to think about her, because she’s gone now. She’ll never see Lexa again - Lexa’s in Polis, wherever that is.

She thinks one day she might go, not for Lexa, but to see what the Grounder life is really like. Then, maybe, she could try going to the villages. She remembers Octavia talking about the Boat Clan, and Luna, their leader. Merciful. Of course, she’d have to learn some Trigedasleng, but that’s a small price to pay for a new life on this land. 

For now, she’ll read 1984 and be happy that love doesn’t really come up. She really doesn’t need that shit right now.

~()~ 

Octavia Blake whips her sword through the air. 

A resounding slice rings through the trees.

The rabid monkey that was headed straight for Bellamy’s head is sliced in two.

His face is a picture that Octavia will savour for a while. 

‘Uh… thanks O.’ 

‘Don’t sweat it.’

They continue walking, an awkward silence falling upon them for some seconds.

Bellamy tries to break it, because the whole ‘badass warrior thing is starting to really bug him. He’s the big brother. He’s supposed to be the one protecting Octavia from things like rabid monkeys. 

‘So how come while I was away you decided to become an Amazon?’

Octavia side eyes Bellamy - she knows exactly what’s coming. The protective big brother spiel that she had never been able to stomach since she’d hit the ground running. 

‘Because I needed to protect myself. I may have you and Lincoln but if I’m gonna live a long life on this planet I need to be ready. And there’s a lot more out there than just rabid monkeys.’ 

‘You didn’t have to become Indra’s second to do that, you know.’ 

‘Yeah, I did. I needed someone to make me a warrior without sugarcoating the shitty parts. No offence, but your constant need to keep me from everything was kinda grating on me back then. And as you were gone, you weren't around to tell me no.’

She smiles wryly at him and he grimaces back.

‘I don’t want to lose my little sister, O.’ 

‘You haven’t. I’m still her. I’m just a little bit more useful and a lot more skilled at being a badass,’ she says, raising her eyebrow at him.

‘Damn right.’

They laugh easily. Bellamy is thanking God that he’s talking to his sister without an awkwardness once more. 

It had been awkward since Mount Weather. They’d disagreed about Clarke - whether she should have left. Bellamy wished she hadn’t, that she should have stayed, repeaired herself around friends. Octavia thought time away would be the best thing. She still remembered Bellamy still felt the guilt from pulling that lever with Clarke, but he did it for his little sister. She meant the world to him. 

They hadn’t talked about it.

Not til now.

‘Bellamy I’m sorry. I know you wanted Clarke to stay.’

‘Yeah, well it’s in the past now. She needed time to herself. I guess we healed in different ways.’ 

‘You’re healed?’

Bellamy sighs, looking in front of him at Abby. She’s the biggest reminder of his best friend. 

‘I wish I was, Octavia.’

‘We all have blood on our hands, Bellamy. That’s the way it is down here.’

‘I know.’

A beat passes.

‘Do you think she’ll even wanna talk?’

Bellamy looks to his sister, hoping for a positive answer. He doesn’t know how to feel, not knowing the answer to so many things in this new age. She used to look to him. And now he looks to her. 

‘We have to find her first.’

~()~

Clarke is sleeping lightly in the dead of night when she hears a twig snap.

She rises from her bed seamlessly and swiftly, grabbing her dagger from under her pillow. 

She hears the whinney of a horse outside, and her breath hitches in her throat.  
She puffs out one mouthful of air and rushes out of the tent, hand on her gun, and her dagger ready to slash. 

She could have sworn it was Gustus.

But he was dead. 

She knows it’s not him. It can’t be.

‘Who are you and what are you doing by my camp?’

‘Please. Lower your dagger. I mean you no harm, Skai Heda.’

She blinks heavily, taken aback a little by the name. He sounds just like Gustus. She keeps her dagger up just in case.

‘My name is Theldrus. I am Trigedakru. I have come to ask for your help. Please.’

She holds the dagger up for a few more seconds, before remembering she does know better - even if in the past months she hasn’t shown it as much as she’d hoped. She lowers the dagger and nods to the Grounder.

‘What do you want?’

‘I have been searching for you for many days on behalf of Commander Lexa. She is in dire need of your assistance.’ 

She recoils at the name being said out loud. That was the first time she’d heard it since Octavia spat it at her in the mines.

‘I have no business helping the Commander. Her battle choices made sure of that.’

‘Battle is different than any other time, Skai Heda. Choices that are made on the battlefield don’t necessarily affect who we are.’ 

‘Nevertheless, we have no business making contact. The time for alliances is over, and as you can see, I’m not with my people.’

He takes a breath, then carries on talking. Clarke is getting irritated. 

‘Shut up, a second. Thaddeus, was it?’

‘Theldrus.’

‘Hang on. Are you a relation to Gustus?’

He straightens and dips his head.

‘He was my brother. He did not have faith in the alliance, but I always did.’

Clarke raises an eyebrow. If he wants to make his case, now would be his chance.

‘Our family pledged our loyalty and lives to this Commander the day she was called to lead us. I am her protector now.’

‘Well if you’re here and not there you can’t be doing a very good job, can you?’ 

‘Skai Heda -‘

‘STOP calling me that! I’m not Heda of anybody! Not any more!’ 

‘Please. The Commander is sick.’

‘Go get Abigail Griffin then. She will know what to do.’

Clarke begins to turn away. She’s had enough.

‘She has forgotten her entire being, Skai girl. She is gone. Her whole essence.’

She stops in her tracks. So does her breath, her blinking eyes.

‘What?’

‘She cannot remember herself. It’s nothing like we have ever seen.’

Clarke swivels, eyeing Theldrus. His expression is severe, and it puzzles and terrifies her. 

‘She’s got amnesia.’

‘That is your name for it?’

‘It’s the name for it.’

‘That is her ailment, Clarke of The Sky People.’

She flinches at the words. 

‘Why are you here? Why are you telling me this? There are plenty of other people from the Ark who could help her. I’m only a student of medicine. My Mother is well practiced.’

‘There is a reason we must only ask you.’

‘What?’ She snaps. She’s growing tired, and Theldrus is terrified. She’s never seen a grown man so frightened of her. It would almost give her a boost if the situation wasn’t…this. 

‘She calls out only one name in her sleep. She asks for only one.’ 

Clarke’s eyes widen, tears brimming. She doesn’t want to hear what comes next. She cannot hear it, because it will break her.

‘Don’t-‘

‘She cries for Clarke. For you.’

‘Get out of my camp.’

She turns on her heel, her tears blurring her vision as she storms towards her tent.

‘Skai Heda, please!’

‘Get the fuck out of my camp or I will shoot your brains out of your skull!’

That seals the deal for Theldrus. He pads away, dejected that he could not convince her himself, and she watches from her tent entrance.

One she’s sure he’s gone, the sound of hooves fading, she collapses. Tears run down her face and she frantically wipes her hand roughly over her red cheeks, wanting the tears and the pain to go away. She’s had too much of this.

And now Lexa needed her.

She can’t do this. She can’t have people depend on her. 

Look how that worked out last time.

~()~

They are less than 20 miles from TonDC when a man surges towards them on a horse from behind them, obviously distressed. 

‘Theldrus!’ 

‘Gona. I found her.’

Indra stops in her tracks, the group unceremoniously halting behind her.

‘Where is she?’

‘She is over the river, about 20 miles from here.’ 

‘Caris, take the Sky People and find Clarke. Echo and I will escort Abby to TonDC. Go.’

Theldrus takes Indra aside, wary of the happenings of the night before. 

‘Gona, she would not come with me. The mere mention of Heda was too much for her.’

‘We must try again, Theldrus. We have no choice. The Sky Girl is our only hope. There is only so much a healer can do when the only person she wants is miles away.’ 

‘Yes, Gona. We shall go.’ 

He walks left of the group, mounting his horse and waiting for the others to follow.

Caris nods once and looks in the direction of Bellamy and Octavia, motioning her head to follow Theldrus. The brother and sister reluctantly comply, realising the gravity of the events that will follow.

They’re going to see Clarke again. Octavia thinks she might be finally ready to forgive. After all, these are different times, and different times call for fresh starts. It’s clear Clarke has atoned for her shortcomings. Octavia understands that now. 

They take another horse from the main group, Bellamy and Octavia mounting it while Caris mounts Theldrus’ horse. 

Bellamy’s thoughts run wild. He doesn’t know if he’s ready to see Clarke again.

He has no choice.

‘Bell.’

He’s snapped out of his thoughts when Octavia puts her hand on his leg.

‘Breathe.’

He doesn’t know if he can right now. 

~()~

Knife meeting wood is the only sound echoing through the camp. 

Clarke surges forward to the tree and yanks the knife out, going back to the line she’d set up. She’d used leftover warpaint she’d found in her pocket to set up a target on the tree. Lexa must have put it there before going into battle. 

She scoffs at the thought and throws the knife as hard as she can. 

It slices into the tree so hard it almost buries itself to the hilt. 

Right in the bullseye.

It’s probably not the most healthy way to get out aggression, throwing knives at the possessions of your former lover.

Lover isn’t the right word. She cared for Lexa. That was it. 

She wants it to be past tense so badly. 

She grabs her other knife from where it’s stuck in the ground and throws it, shouting loudly as she does. It’s like a battle cry. One she never let out at Mount Weather. A cry of pain, and a cry of complete anger. 

It sticks in a millimetre away from the first knife. 

She’s improved. And she likes that. But she cannot help the sob that comes from somewhere in her fractured heart. 

She hears hooves again. 

Her head whips round to see two horses carrying people in the distance. She runs to collect her knives from the tree and steps behind her tent, waiting for her chance. The brother of Gustus has returned with friends. They’ll probably try to kill her, considering her dishonour towards the Commander. But she’s not really ready to die, not yet. She’ll go down fighting if she has to.

She hears feet hit the ground and the footsteps grow louder as the people draw nearer to the camp. Peeking around the tent, Clarke sees Theldrus and another grounder leading the way, not being able to see the faces of the man and woman behind them yet. 

Why does the man’s hair look so familiar?

Theldrus frantically looks around the camp, seeing nobody. Clarke was here yesterday, he knew it. 

That’s when a knife hits the tree right next to him, the force reverberating through the blade. 

‘I told you to get out of my camp.’

He focuses on Clarke, her voice devoid of emotion and her face severe. She is terrifying. Even Caris seems to recoil.

‘Skai Heda. I have come with friends. Please. Hear us.’

‘You have ten seconds.’

‘Clarke.’

She steps back, her breath hitching in throat and tears forming in her eyes.

She looks behind Caris and sees the other two there.

It’s Bellamy and Octavia.

‘Bellamy,’ she whispers.

If there was something she really wasn’t ready for, it was this.

He surges forward, seeing that she’s about to collapse and stops her falling, grabbing her underneath her arms.

‘What are you doing here?’

‘Couldn’t live without your help for long, Princess.’

She lets out a sob and stands, grabbing onto her best friend for dear life. 

Octavia saunters forward, eyeing the two warily.

Clarke steps out of the embrace some seconds later.

‘Octavia,’ she regards her presence carefully. She doesn’t want to start another argument. 

It pains her to see Octavia so closed off.

‘It’s okay, Clarke. You can hug me,’ she says, raising an eyebrow and cracking a wry smile. Bellamy smiles at his sister. 

Clarke goes forward tentatively and Octavia pulls her in roughly.

‘I’m glad you’re okay,’ Clarke lets out. It’s only the truth.

‘You too.’

They separate and Theldrus steps in, wanting to keep the pace of the purpose of their visit up. 

‘Skai Heda, I understand your frustration. I know this is a painful thing for you, but the Commander needs you in these dark days of hers. We only ask for your presence, nothing more. It may help her to get better.’

‘I already told you, my mother’s a better healer than me.’

Bellamy cuts in then, putting a hand on Clarke’s arm. 

‘She’s on her way there with Indra already, we split away from her a few hours ago. That’s not his point, Clarke. She doesn’t need a healer.’

‘She needs you.’ Octavia pipes up from behind Caris. She’s not going to mince her words, sugarcoat anything for Clarke. That’s not what she’d want to hear. She knows her well enough to understand that. 

‘She’s an amnesiac. She needs medical care. She’s fine without me.’

‘She’s refusing food, and water! We cannot forcefeed her forever! She’ll only eat if you come with us and see her, Skai Heda. We had to take her out of Polis because people were talking. If the Commander dies because of her own illness, there will be anarchy. I am asking you to help us for the good of the people.’

‘Clarke, please. Let’s take care of this and once she’s better, you can go back to your life. I promise.’

‘Don’t make promises, Bellamy. They aren’t something I put a lot of faith in anymore.’

Clarke turns her head and looks at Bellamy. He dips his head, nodding his agreement. That was not the right thing to say, in any circumstance after what had happened. 

‘Fine. I’ll come with you. But she has 4 weeks to get better. Then I’m leaving.’

Clarke turns her back to all four of them beginning to pack up her tent and her belongings. Bellamy offers to help but she starkly refuses. He feels useless to her, and he hates it because his best friend has changed so much he doesn’t even know her anymore. 

She dumps it all into a underground crate nearby, and locks it securely. All ready for when she wants to leave again. 

‘Let’s go.’ 

She walks in front of them, and Octavia notices her buckled coat and shoulder pad. She smiles slightly to herself knowing she’s not the only one who went a little bit Grounder.

‘How far are we from TonDC?’

‘About 30 miles, Clarke.’

‘Okay. The three women get on one horse and the boy and I shall take the other one.’

‘The horse can’t take that much weight. I’ll catch you up.’

‘Octavia -‘

‘Get her into that camp, Bell. You’re the only one who can convince her to put a foot in that place at the end of the day. I know you can do it.’

Octavia watches Caris get on behind Theldrus, knowing that Bellamy will have to mount the horse behind Clarke. She won’t want to be the passenger. 

‘Bellamy, let’s go. You okay, Octavia?’

‘Yeah.’

He turns to see Clarke already mounted and ready to kick. 

‘I’ll be fine Bell. I always am.’ 

He reluctantly leaves Octavia to her path on foot and mounts the horse behind Clarke, and she immediately kicks away. The horses surge towards TonDC.

Clarke is terrified, but she will never show it. Not anymore.

~()~

Lexa wakes with a start. 

She’s weak, she can feel it. Her body won’t lift from the pillow, and it’s painful to breathe. 

Her pulse is throbbing through her head, and she looks down to see her shoulder completely out of place. 

She wants to vomit. 

A man comes in, and puts ice on her wound by her stomach - a graze from bark on a tree, she was told.

He has long hair and a tattoo down the side of his face, his eyes kinder than some others who have entered before. 

She wishes she could remember his name.

‘It’s Nyko, Commander. Do you remember my face?’

‘From when you came in earlier.’

‘Yes. Heda, you must eat. You are extremely weak.’ 

‘I won’t eat until I know Clarke is safe.’

He turns away from her, breathing heavily.’

‘Clarke is not here, Heda. She will not be here.’ 

‘Then I shall not eat. She is my priority, I must know that she is well.’

Nyko sighs and leaves the tent. Lexa’s head falls back onto the pillow.

She drifts into a fitful sleep, her body exhausted. 

It’s only an hour later when she hears horses arrive and people nearing her tent that she wakes, pain still present throughout her entire body.

Why is Clarke not here? She’s her only solace in this godforsaken place. She knows nothing about these people, and she’s scared. She doesn’t want to admit it, but she’s scared.

She remembers nothing. This village, the people around her - that is all completely strange. She knows that she has forgotten something. The only thing that she remembers is that Clarke is the only one she knows. That Clarke will help her. The only thing she really understands in her head is that she wants to keep Clarke safe, and she can’t do that when Clarke isn’t here. It scares the living shit out of her, let alone her memory having disappeared. She hates the irrationality writhing inside her brain right now, but she wants Clarke. She remembers that at one point her feelings for Clarke were quite prominent - but her mind seems to tell her: ‘Hodnes laik kwelnes'. Love is weakness. 

Despite everything, though, she cannot help but care for this woman. 

Another woman enters this time, dressed differently to all the other people who have entered the tent, surveying Lexa as she puts down a bag of supplies.

The most important thing she sees is in her eyes.

She looks like Clarke.

‘Who are you?’

‘I’m Abigail Griffin, Commander. I’m here to help with your wounds.’

‘Clarke has told me about you.’

‘Good things I hope,’ Abby says, careful not to say anything too antagonising in the commanders presence.

‘Yes. You are somebody she looks up to.’

Abby smiles. She likes that that’s the thing Lexa remembers in such a situation. 

‘Commander is a title I don’t wish to carry forward for now, Abigail. Please call me Lexa. It’s the only name I really know.’ 

‘Of course. Lexa. I know sitting up is painful but could you try and give it a shot for me? I need to see your shoulder a minute.’

She is reluctant to do so, but complies slowly, trying not to let her eyes leak as the pain spikes through her torso.

‘I don’t want any kind of treatment until I know Clarke is safe,’ Lexa declares, as Abby inspects her dislocated shoulder. Abby hears the commanding tone to her voice, and it reminds her of the Lexa she respected and feared. 

‘Lexa, we have to treat this wound. Now. You’ll might need surgery on the tissue covering the dislocated shoulder, but to ease the pain and reduce the chance of needing that, we have to pop it back in now.’

‘Abigail -‘

‘Listen to me, Lexa. Clarke is not around right now to tell you to let me do my job, but you need to get yourself back to health for when she does come back. You say you want to protect Clarke? You need to help me heal you so you can protect her. Do I make myself clear?’

Lexa thinks of complying mulling over the options in her head.

A resounding crack stops the thought swiftly. 

The pain shoots through her torso again, and she lets out a cry of pain without showing it in her eyes. 

‘There. We’ll rest it in a sling for a couple days,’ Abby says, going back over to her bag to find some bandage, ‘and then we’ll see how you go. The tissue should be fine now it’s popped back in, but surgery might be a viable option.’ 

Lexa lets out a grunt of protest but Abby just looks at her. Lexa begrudgingly quiets, knowing it’s probably best to listen to this woman. She’s the only one who hasn’t taken her shit so far, and she quite likes that about her. 

She’s Clarke’s mother, after all. 

More hooves can be heard outside and Lexa tries to stand, but is pushed back down by Abby. 

‘Don’t you dare.’

She glares at the older woman and notices the shadow outside the tent entrance. 

The cloth parts, and she’s standing there, knives in her jacket and a gun in her holster.

‘Clarke, you’re alive.’ 

There is no smile on Lexa’s face, but simply relief.

Lexa stands before Abby can stop her this time, and hobbles forward to Clarke with a renewed vigour that Abby hadn’t seen since she got here.

The Commander throws herself into Clarke's arms, whose delayed reaction goes unnoticed. 

Lexa doesn’t notice the tears streaming down Clarke’s stricken face.

Clarke realises this is the toughest thing she will ever have to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll probably be updating this on Sundays, if college work allows. Thanks for reading friends.


	3. Still I Endure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke struggles to come to terms with her decision, and Lexa battles the inner demons she can't remember are there.

‘Lexa, sit back down, now. You’re sick. You need your rest.’

Lexa swivels round quickly to face Abby, but promptly doubles over, gagging. 

Abby sighs as she puts a bowl underneath the Commander’s mouth, letting her empty what little was in her stomach into it. 

‘You’re overexerting yourself. And you need to eat.’

Lexa turns to Clarke, who’s hurriedly wiped her tears away and tries to keep a straight face. The Commander’s gaze bores into her, filled with care and attention. Clarke doesn’t know if she can stand it. 

‘Clarke, are you well? You’re not hurt?’

Clarke looks to Abby, who just smiles at her daughter as best she can. She needs a moment with her daughter, to be reunited once more, but that will come later. Right now, she must deal with this. Another hardship she has to endure. Abby thinks, hasn’t she been the through enough?

‘I’m fine, Lexa. Please eat something. You’re weak.’

‘I’ll live, Clarke. My soul has years left in it yet.’

Clarke releases a shaky breath and walks over, helping Lexa back to the bed. She looks around her, and sees an untouched plate of soup on the ledge beside her. She picks it up and offers it to Lexa, who sips it greedily. How foolish has she been since her accident? Has she eaten anything?

‘When was the last time you ate, Lexa?’

‘I have not. Not that I can remember.’

The Sky Girl sighs, remembering the stubbornness of the Commander. 

‘Why?’

‘I did not know of your safety. It was paramount that I knew you were alive.’

Abby watches the two, feeling like she was intruding. She slipped out of the tent, letting her daughter have a moment with the girl alone. 

‘Lexa, that is possibly the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. You didn’t eat, because I wasn’t safe,’ she says, harsher than before. She can’t help herself.

‘I don’t know why I remember you, Clarke, but I do. And my mind wishes to let me know that I care for you. And because there is no other memory in my head, I must follow the most logical path.’

Clarke looks to Lexa, who is almost dipping her head into Clarke’s chest. 

‘And what’s that?’ Clarke asks, a softer tone to her voice.

‘You.’ 

She cannot hold in her tears any longer. Not any more.

She lets but a few slip from her sky-coloured eyes.  
‘Why do you weep, Clarke of the Sky People?’

Her breath catches, and she looks down at Lexa.

‘You remember I’m from the sky?’

Lexa evades her gaze, shame gracing her features. 

‘No. I just remember that is what I called you.’ 

The Skai Heda closes her eyes and lets go of the caught breath. 

She lets Lexa go, putting her down gently on the bed. 

She doesn’t know if she can do this.

‘What ails you, Clarke? You look perplexed.’

‘I need sleep, Lexa. So do you.’

It takes Lexa a minute to relent to Clarke’s order, but her waning energy releases her into a peaceful sleep.

Clarke leaves the tent hurriedly.

The Grounders watch as she puts her hood up and strides across the camp, to the door. 

Looking back at the tent, her emotions are all muddled in her head. She cannot think properly, and she hates it. After almost months of being numb, all her feelings were coming to the surface at once. She can’t take it.

‘Clarke?’

She’s snapped out of her thoughts, her mother standing behind her.

‘You’re not leaving?’

‘I can’t be here.’

‘Please. Don’t go now. Lexa’s only just got you back and if she loses herself, this entire clan goes into anarchy.’

‘Why should I care?’

Abby can’t seem to answer that one.

She begins to stutter, her voice weak.

‘I just got you back, Clarke,’ she says, pain evident in her voice. 

‘You didn’t have me back. I was only here for her. I didn’t want to be here for her and yet here I am.’

‘Clarke -‘

‘No. Every time I do something for somebody else since I got down to this piece of crap planet, I get screwed over! And when I end up doing something for the greater good, I get this.’

She’s pointing at her head, her finger digging into her temple. She wishes it would drive through.

Abby’s simply sobbing. 

‘I get emotions milling around in my head, and I have to forget it all so I can feel numbness. I had to kill my first love for her. So she betrays me. And now, after everything, she has to go and lose her fucking memory and only know me. Only need me. I’m fed up of everybody looking to me. I’m done.’

She turns her back on her only living relative and walks through the gate.

‘Clarke Griffin!’

She halts in her tracks. That’s the voice she only uses when she’s not to be trifled with. It’s the only voice that Clarke would stop for right now.

She looks over her shoulder, her face void of emotion.

‘You came here to start something. Finish what you started.’

She almost walks away, but something keeps her standing still.

‘One. Last. Time.’

‘It never is one last time, Mom.’

‘I promise. After this, you can go back to whatever life you want, and nobody will ever ask anything of you again. God knows you deserve that.’

The girl looks so vulnerable in Abby’s eyes, and it breaks her heart.

Clarke staggers back to the gate, towards her Mother. 

‘One last push, honey. I promise.’

‘Sure. And I know God gave up on me a long time ago.’

She softly pushes past Abby’s shoulder, back into the camp. 

The Tri Kru are staring towards the entrance to their village, at the site of the Sky Girl and her mother. 

She walks into the makeshift tent they’ve set up for her, and falls onto the bed. 

Clarke of the Sky People screams into her pillow.

~()~

‘She almost left, Octavia. All it took was ten minutes and she wanted to leave. We can’t keep trying to make her do this.’

‘If we don’t, Lexa’s going to look vulnerable. If we don’t, the clan will descend into anarchy, and other clans will begin their attacks. They have wanted this clan from day one. We can’t give them a reason to come get it.’

The ringing from her sharpening blade hitting the iron travels through the square. 

‘Have you even thought about Clarke?’

‘Yeah, I have. And I know she will follow through with this.’

‘That’s not my point, Octavia. She doesn’t have the strength to keep putting herself on the line for other people. I’m not even sure Lexa deserves it.’

‘I know she doesn’t. But you know something, Bell? You’re wrong. Clarke isn’t weak. She can do this.’ She twirls the knife around in her hand, beginning to recite from memory. “Women are forged of iron. My body, it has bled, blazed and broken, but yet it beats on. I am iron. A little rusted, perhaps, but still I endure.’

Bellamy sits there, rendered speechless by his sister’s quotation.

‘It’s poetry Bellamy. I read.’

She gets up, stalking over to Clarke’s tent and leaving Bellamy sat on a log, rethinking his words.

The warrior lifts the door of the tent away and sees Clarke lacing up her boots, her hood still over her head from when she had been sleeping. 

‘How you doing?’

‘Better. I can keep my eyes open.’

She looks up at Octavia, who has gone back to her days of warpaint, and her braids are tighter. 

‘Good. You might want to go and see Lexa. She’s already trying to walk around her tent.’

Clarke swears under her breath. She hates how much the Commander reminds her of herself.

She gets up and pulls her hood down roughly, walking past Octavia and making her way to Lexa’s tent. 

Nyko is bandaging Lexa’s stomach, whose face lights up as the blonde girl walks in.

‘Clarke,’ she breathes, rushing him to finish so she can get up.

He does, not a moment too soon and she rises and takes her crutch from the bedside, made for her due to the wound on her stomach. Her other arm is immobilised in a sling. 

She looks kind of happy for a battered up woman.

‘Did you sleep well?’

‘Yeah. Thanks.’ 

‘I’m glad. Shall we take a walk?’

‘Is that the best idea?’ She raises her eyebrow at the Commander.

‘Come on, Clarke. I’m strong enough to hobble around the village.’

Clarke takes a beat to consider.

‘Fine. Maybe we can start on you remembering some stuff, or relearning it at least. 

They exit the tent together, and Clarke tries to make sure that people don’t come near, giving them a look. 

She’s powerful with her eyes now. She quite likes that.

‘So this is TonDC. It’s part of the Tri Kru Nation. You’re the Commander of this village and its others. This one’s special though.’

‘Why is it special?’ She asks, looking around the wooden huts and the tents. 

‘It’s been through a lot. But still it’s standing up strong.’

‘Like what?’

Clarke looks to the hobbling Commander, who is puzzled.

‘What?’

‘What has this village been through?’

‘There was a war a while back. It was destroyed. And they’ve rebuilt it from nothing but rubble and ash.’

‘What war was that?’

Clarke’s breath catches in her throat. 

‘We’ll get to that later.’

They walk through the road slowly, Clarke allowing Lexa to exercise her body as she wishes. 

‘Heda! Heda!’

Her head whips towards the name. Lexa cannot help it, it seems to be muscle memory.

The child smiles up at her, holding a bluebell for her in her tiny hand.

She kneels down the best she can, keeping a firm hand on the crutch.

‘Child, are you well?’

‘Yes, Heda. This is for you. Bless you Heda.’

She smiles widely as she puts the bluebell in the lapel of the Commander, who only watches the action with wonder.

She rises, and the child bows and runs to her parents feet. 

‘We are humble and glad to see that you are better, Heda. Bless you.’

Lexa can’t quite seem to fathom the faith these people put into her. It touches her heart so deeply, and she wonders why her head has ever told her that love was weakness.

She fingers the bluebell in her lapel and smiles, looking to see the child walking away in her strong father’s arms. 

These people were hers. And they loved her. 

She must do the same.

She looks to Clarke, who has watched the entire exchange with a stoic expression.

Lexa wonders what Clarke will not tell her. She is sure there are many things, but there is one which weighs upon her heart and all she wants is to lift it. 

‘This is what it means, to be a leader, Lexa.’

The Commander keeps her eyes fixed on Clarke’s, her sky blue eyes reflecting in the sunlight. 

She is truly beautiful. She can see why she cares for her so deeply. She will not mince her words, and her beauty knows no bounds. Lexa tries not to feel hurt when the girl swivels away from her gaze.

‘Come on. I’ll take you down to the stream.’

They leave behind a hut and take the short path down to the water, and Clarke can’t help but think her worries are slowly sinking from her heart. Even if it will only last for a little bit.

~()~

Thelonius Jaha’s ears are ringing.

He can only see blurs of fire and smoke.

Somebody grabs his shoulder and begins to drag him out by his jacket, and his limbs are powerless to resist. He cannot feel anything. 

When he begins to breathe again, smoke roughly leaving his lungs, he coughs and sputters until he catches the air in his throat evenly, gulping in oxygen like there’s no tomorrow.

…

He sees that he is in a camp, one that is fast diminishing and people are packing away their belongings.

It is small. The men have blue tattoos on their faces, and they wear heavy armour despite the apparent absence of war. Many are pale, and they are all fearsome. Many look his way, studying him like a specimen. 

A man takes him by the arm and hoists him up to a standing position and his legs are weak, but he manages.

‘SkaiKru man. You are the leader, no?’ The bearded ginger man barks in his face.

Thelonius decides he cannot answer to that name anymore.

‘I do not walk with the Sky People any more. I left them when they left to die.’

‘We saw your ships fall from the sky. You are well known among these parts.’

‘As I said. I’m not with them any more.’

‘Do you remember the women and men who were hunting yours, honon?’

‘The Grounders. Tree People.’

The man nods, and he draws his sword quickly. Pressing it to Thelonius’ throat, he smiles with wide, strange eyes and Thelonius tries to remind himself that he should not fear death.

‘Yes, the TriKru, Commander Lexa and her band of miscreants. Do you know who we are?’

He doesn’t answer.

‘What’s your name, SkaiKru?’

‘Jaha. Thelonius Jaha.’

He struggles to breathe under the man’s grip. 

‘I am Zakur. I am the Colonel of the JusTri Kru.’

He roughly lets Jaha go, and he falls to the ground and tries to breathe once more.

It begins to rain, and Jaha welcomes the moisture on his dry, cracked skin.

‘How would you like to join us, Jaha?’

‘Why would I join you?’

Zakur laughs maniacally. 

He is terrifying. He is madness. He is anarchy.

‘We’re going to reclaim the land that is rightfully ours. We’re going to destroy the TrigedaKru.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this. I'm looking forward to expanding the storyline.


	4. Overflowing Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa have their first real life normal conversation and Thelonious must rip his soul apart to find his will to survive.

'The river flows so freely here. It's beautiful.'

Clarke lets herself smirk. 'That it is.' She turns to see Lexa leaning down slowly having put down her crutch, running her hand through the clear water. At first she flinches at the touch, the cold liquid sparking her senses, but then she clenches and unclenches her fist in the water, letting her hand go numb with the flow.

Despite her difficulty surrounding this gorgeous woman, Lexa simply captivates Clarke.  Well, this version of Lexa.  She's so fascinated with the world she lives in, and the way she looked in wonder when her people talked to her earlier just made Clarke think. 

Would her people really feel that way about her? Despite everything she's done?

She remembers Octavia telling her that Indra knew about the missile.  When Indra said that Lexa was such a great commander because she was ruthless, and wasn't afraid to do what was the best for the biggest majority of her people.  

Her people are different though.  They aren't warriors.  They're not fighters.  They don't need spurring on for war.  

They want a fair and just leader.

And this Lexa isn't that ruthless leader that Indra described.

Not right now.

'Clarke?'

She snaps out of her thoughts to see Lexa closer than she thinks she's comfortable with. 

'Are you okay?'

Clarke steps away from Lexa and turns, making to saunter down the riverbank.

'I'm fine.  Shall we?'

Lexa hides her concern as they carry on downstream. 

They round a bend, veering away from the main river to come to a place Clarke has gone many times since her departure from Camp Jaha.  

A waterfall pounds into a small pool, the rock at the bottom shining in the sunlight.  There is a small shelter behind the waterfall, a hollow in the rock, and a small layer of steam can be seen sitting on top of the water.

'Clarke, is this a place you hold dear?'

The Skai Heda whirls to Lexa at the question she really didn't expect.

'Uh... well I don't think anyone else knows about it.'

'I don't want to intrude on something that's yours.'

Clarke scoffs, then reminds herself she doesn't need to be spiteful, not with Lexa.

She really doesn't know how to interpret this situation.  She's so confused, and it's painful. The Commander is still the same person who left her to almost certain doom, but at the same time... she's not.

Does she treat her like the same person?  Or does she treat her differently, show her more of herself, despite the fact that she will almost certainly return to the person she once was, and most likely shut her out again?

Clarke's not sure she wants to take the risk.

'You're not intruding.  Nature can't be possessed.  But it can be admired,' Clarke finishes, deciding on a neutral answer.

Lexa smiles openly at Clarke, baring her teeth and looking back at the waterfall.

She's never seen Lexa smile like that before.

And it's killing her.  She watches Lexa descend the natural staircase down to the pool, hobbling slowly, where she leans down and runs her hand through the water like she did before.

'It's warm,' she observes, craning her neck to look at Clarke still standing on the top ledge.  'How is it so warm?'

Clarke uses direction as an excuse to tear her gaze away, and nods to behind the waterfall.  'There's a hot spring not too far away, it filters through to here.  This is the only warm body of water before you get to the river, where the temperature levels out again.'

Lexa nods, satisfied with the answer. 'I might soak my feet, if I may.  Would you care to join me, Clarke?'

She looks Clarke straight in the eye.

Even with everything she's feeling, she can't refuse those eyes.

'Why not?'

While she descends the natural staircase she can't help but try and push the thoughts of her skeptical being out of her mind.

~()~

'Ever wielded a sword, Jaha?'

Jaha stands submissively near the edge of the sparring circle, where Zakur and some of his seconds are training fiercely.

'I have not, Colonel.' 

Zakur giggles evilly.  It's terrifying.

'Well then, old man,' he fires out, swiping a sword from one of the seconds. 'Give it a try.'  Zakur throws it to Jaha's feet and motions with both hands for Jaha to come at him. 

He stands firm, only looking at the sword on the floor.

When he's jabbed firmly in the back with the butt of a sword, and he falls to the ground, he puts his hand on the sword.

It's engraved with a phrase in sharp, spiked letters.

JUS DREIN JUS DAUN

He shudders.

It's only when Jaha sees feet running toward him that he scrambles to his feet, sword shakily in hand.

He gets his guard up and moves out of the way, letting Zakur run straight past him.

Zakur's not happy.

'Coward! Fight like a warrior, SkaiKru!'

Jaha lets out a shaky breath; he's not ready for this.

Zakur charges again.

The former Chancellor takes his chances, and lets out a cry.  

He charges.

The swords clatter together and the sound rings through the clearing.

Jaha only manages a few strikes before Zakur trips him up and he hits the ground hard, his breath leaving him momentarily.

Zakur mercilessly hits him in the face with the hilt of his sword, and he slowly drags himself to his feet, spitting away blood from his mouth and the blood that has run from his nose.

'That all you got, Thelonious?' The Colonel sneers his name, like it's dirt under his shoe.

'Let's just say I'm not,' he pauses, his breath catching, 'a warrior.'

'Anybody can be a warrior if they're battered into the ground enough.' He walks to Jaha, who weakly puts up his sword only for Zakur to elbow him the spine, making him sink to his knees once more.

'Are you going to rise up from being battered into the ground?' He kicks Thelonious in the stomach, making him spit some more blood from his battered body. 

'Or are you going to die like the other cowards?'

Another hit to the face.

Jaha crumbles to the dirt. 

'Imagine if the people you once led saw you like this.  Imagine what they'd think of you.'

Another kick to the stomach.  Jaha groans this time.

'What would they say about their battered leader?!' He roars at Thelonius, his people watching on with no reactions.

'Do you know what I think, Jaha?'

Only a whimper emerges from Thelonious, who lies bloody and broken on the floor.

'I think,' he begins, grabbing Jaha by the back of his shirt, lifting him up, 'That they would say you were never worthy to lead them at all.'

That pushes Jaha to the limit.

He lets out a cry again, right in Zakur's fierce face, and swings his fist round as hard as he can.

Zakur is momentarily phased and drops him unceremoniously, and Jaha rises to his feet.  He swings his sword, holding the blade in his hand not caring if he cuts his hands, and batters Zakur in the side, flooring him, but he manages to rise to his knees.  Zakur is big, but Jaha's stronger than he thought. 

He may not be SkaiKru any more, but that doesn't mean he wasn't worthy of leading them. 

'Do not call me unworthy.'

He throws his leg up in the air, and kicks Zakur in the chin, finally making the Colonel sink to the ground.

'I am worthy.'

The entire crowd has their jaws wide open, not believing the sight in front of them.

Zakur spits violently, and slowly rises back up to have one knee and one foot, stabilising himself.

He finally turns his eyes up to Jaha.

'You will make a fine warrior to destroy Trikru yet, Thelonious.'

Thelonious does not reply.  

~()~

'Clarke?'

She looks over at Lexa, who is studying her closely.  She tries not to notice the deep stare she has at her.

'The name Clarke of the Sky People has been bouncing around my head since I lost my memory.  Did you live in the sky, Clarke?'

Clarke gets that she has to explain these things to Lexa, but it is rather tedious.

'Yes.  I lived on a space station called the Ark.  But I was sent down to Earth with a bunch of other people to see if it was survivable.  Turns out it was,' she finished, pointedly looking at the Commander.

'I see.  What was it like?'

'It was... limited.  All I wanted was to breathe real air.  I would look out of my window sometimes and wish I could just grab a pod and go.  The view from up there,' she muses, 'is really something.  Part of me misses it.  But it's nothing compared to down here.'

'What do you like about the Earth?'

Clarke smiles softly, looking over her surroundings and closing her eyes for a second or two.  'The water.  The way it just flows everywhere, how there's so much of it.  We'll never run out down here.  It's right in front of us.'

'It is soothing, isn't it?  Such a constant thing that gives us such calm.'

'Yeah, I guess so,' Clarke replies thoughtfully.  She likes conversing with Lexa about such simple things.  It gives her the illusion that everything's a little bit less.. . broken.

She looks at Lexa, who is gazing at her with a pondering expression.

The Commander looks away easily, smiling slightly to herself about getting caught.

Clarke does a double take.

She waves it off; Lexa couldn't be checking her out.

Could she?

She chuckles dryly to herself and shakes her head, casting her eyes to the view from the top ledge of the waterfall.  It really is one of the best views in the forest. Reaching out for miles.

'This is a truly beautiful place, Clarke.  Thank you for bringing me here.'

Clarke sighs, letting one layer fall away from her mask.  She doesn't want to punish Lexa when she doesn't know what she's even being punished for.

Does Lexa even deserve punishment at all?

The Skai Heda just doesn't know anymore.

'No problem, Lexa.  It really is a sight I'll never forget.'

Clarke doesn't see that Lexa isn't looking at the view from the ledge. 

She doesn't see the wonder in her eyes as the sun begins to set. 

'Neither will I.'

~()~

'How are you feeling today, Lexa?'

'Better.  Thank you, Abigail,' Lexa replies, sitting tentatively on the bed but with an air of confidence about her. 

'Good.  Could I just ask you to take the sling off for me, I just need to examine your shoulder, check for bruising.'

She sits patiently as Abby examines her shoulder, which is recovering nicely after only a day.  Bruising seems to be minimal, which is a relief. 

'You are a wonderful healer, Abby.  Even Nyko could not do the things that you do, so I'm told. Clarke told me you brought a man back from the dead, one of my own.'

'Lincoln was strong.  He helped himself with that,' Abby says fondly, remembering that day and how Lexa's belief in her daughter was restored because they saved Lincoln together. 

'Abigail?'

'Yes?'  Abby replaces the sling on Lexa's shoulder and tightens it a little, to secure it for another day. 

'Does something ail Clarke?'

Abby stops, but tries not to look affected by the question.  'Not that I know of, Lexa, why do you ask?'

'She seemed very preoccupied yesterday.  Like she had been fighting with herself.'

'She's a very complicated person, Lexa.  It'll take a while before you get to know her again,' Abby says softly, tiptoeing around the sensitive subject. 

'Did I do something to her?'

Abby pauses for a moment. She's having trouble keeping her nerve.  This isn't her information to relay.

'I would give it time, Lexa, but ask her.  She's had a very rough year,' Abby says, her voice cracking, realising the gravity of her understatement.  'But I think for now you'll be fine.  I wouldn't worry.'

She thanks God that Lexa simply nods, and accepts Abby's words. 

'She is rather confusing, isn't she?' 

Abby doesn't turn away from her bag, packing her supplies in.  She simply smiles and says, 'she rather is.'

Lexa does not speak for a moment, and only talks when Abby makes to leave the tent.

'What do you do when you...have...feelings, if a little complicated, for another?'

Abby's smile grows bigger this time, and she turns to meet Lexa's inquisitive stare. 

'Well, we sometimes ask the person if maybe they wanna get dinner, or we just take a walk with them.  Depends on what you want to do.  But the point is, we do it with them because that'll make them happy.'

'I see,' Lexa says tentatively, looking deep in thought.

'You have plans?'

'I'm not sure yet.'

'Well don't dwell on things too long, Lexa,' she remarks, picking up her bag and leaving the tent.  'They might just slip through your fingers.' 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you're enjoying this. I'm loving writing it.
> 
> Here's the deal, guys: I need you to help me decide which fic to write next, and I have a couple of ideas.
> 
> Comment below for me and tell me which you wanna read first.
> 
> \- Miss Saigon AU  
> \- Mysterious Lexa on the Ark AU  
> \- PhD Students having to share an office AU
> 
> Thanks for reading as always, give me your suggestions below or put in my askbox on tumblr at uselesslesbiancommander.


	5. Truths We Hate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke faces some truths she really doesn't want to, and Lexa following Abby's advice does not go as she expected.

‘Clarke?’

When she hears her mother’s voice behind her, she straightens slowly. She’s been waiting for this since the moment she got here. 

She turns her head slowly, continuing her packing for her activity for the day.

'What's the plan for today sweetheart?'

Clarke sighs slightly, tired of having to explain herself to her mother. She doesn't really want to talk to her mother about anything, because she knows that the conversation will lead to something she really doesn't want, or can't talk about. 

'Lexa and I are going back to the Spring. She asked me what I wanted to do, I told her I wanted to swim. Turns out she'd like to swim for a little while, get herself moving a little again,' Clarke respond slowly, still trying to avoid her mother's searing stare. 

She hears a little chuckle from behind her. 

'I didn't clear her to swim,' Abby states light-heartedly, as if reminding herself of when she tried to reprimand Clarke and failed miserably when the girl was still a child. 

'Yeah, well, the spring water's clean, and the sling is off. It's only a small pool, she's not diving into caves and jumping off rocks. I'm not completely dense, and she's not exactly chirpy enough as it is.'

'I didn't think you'd be spending this much time with her, considering what happened.'

'I stayed for her people. There's no point in not being around her.' 

'You gave the impression you were going to work up to it, that's all.'

'Yeah, well,' she begins, packing the last of her things in the bag and hoisting it over her shoulder before turning to her mother. 'might as well swim quicker the deep end, get out the other side quicker. You know?'

'Uh...no.'

'It's a thing from swimming pools. Like, huge baths but with chlorine and for kids to learn to swim and play around in. Adults used them for exercise.'

'Did you learn that in Earth Skills?'

'I found a book at the bunker, if you must know.' 

She begins to walk past her mother and reach for the tent's door. 

'Clarke, wait. Please.'

Clarke finds the material and grips as hard as she can.

'Not now, Mom. Anytime but now.'

'You can't ignore me forever, Clarke. I know you might want to, but I need to know why you left.'

'Can't you see why I left?!' Clarke bursts. Her tether has been pulled so hard at the end that it's almost snapping like an elastic band. 

'Why not be with friends and family? It was a recovery process!'

'Because I could look at their faces and all I can see is bodies that litter the floor of Level 5. The ones who are dead because I chose to save them.'

'We all had to heal Clarke. No one was innocent.'

'Did they pull a lever that burned the flesh and sucked the air out of untouched men, women and children that day? Did they make the decision to kill a whole race of people just to save another?  
Jasper was going to try and kill one person to stop it. Lexa was initially going to kill the leadership and the soldiers. But none of them ever thought that they would survive because somebody killed a whole nation by the flick of a switch.'

Abby can't take her daughter saying these torturous things about herself. It breaks her heart to see how much pain her daughter is carrying. She wants to take it away. She has to.

'I killed 300 people, on the Ark. I took the air from their lungs just to save the few that made it down here. I feel your pain too, baby.'

'Don't you dare talk about that. Those people volunteered their lives for their loved ones. They knew exactly what they were doing. They were heroes. Jasper, Raven, Bellamy and I burned 300 people alive with a bomb because they were attacking us. You could say that was self-defence,' She moves closer to Abby, who's sobbing because she realises she's only made it worse. 'I'm a murderer. I may have done that for the good of the people, but I'm a murderer. I killed ordinary people who didn't ask for it, or deserve it. And I couldn't look at my friends' faces anymore because it reminded me every day of the people who are still rotting inside that mountain.'

'C-Clarke, I'm so sorry.' Abby chokes on her own voice. 

Clarke lets a few tears roll down her face, but she does not sob. She does not let herself go. She can't. If Lexa sees her like this, it's over. She'll have to tell her. 

'Please don't, Mom. I know how much you want me back. And I want to go back. But I can't. Not until I've done this. Maybe she doesn't deserve it. Maybe what I'm doing is wrong because she did something bad to me. But at the same time...I'm still doing something that might help me get one step closer to coming back to you. To them.'

'Is that all you're doing this for?'

Clarke's breath catches in her throat.

Abby looks into her daughter's blue eyes, right into the black holes of the pupils. They go on forever. 

'I don't know what you're talking about.'

Without another word she turns, picks up her bag and walks out of the tent.

~()~

'You sure you wanna swim?' Clarke asks Lexa, who has taken up residence at the foot of the small pool. She's dipped her toes in seven times. Clarke knows. She's been counting. 

'I want to, Clarke. There's just...one small thing, it'll be alright. Just give me a moment, please.' 

It suddenly dawns on Clarke.

Lexa can't remember how to swim.

'Lexa, I'll be there the entire time. It's okay, I promise. It'll come back to you once you're in the water. I would bet a sound amount of money on that.'

'Gambling is something that distracts warriors from their true purpose and shouldn't be practiced if I wanna be a warri-' She claps her hand over her mouth as if she's said the entire alphabet of cuss words.

Clarke just stands there in shock. 

'You remember?'

'No, just one thing. I was... I was playing cards and gambling my small coins on a table one night with...' Lexa shuts her eyes, scrunches them together to think harder. 'with Echo. Anya...yes, Anya came up to us and told us to stop. That if we wanted to be true warriors we would not let things like gambling take over our minds for any length of time.'

'Anya...'

'You know her?'

'Knew. She's... she's gone, Lexa. I'm sorry.' 

Lexa sits by the pool and doesn't notice that she's immersed her calves in the water as she thinks. Clarke can't help but smile in her head when she notices. 

'I thought she might be. Did she die well?'

'By my side, Lexa. She was with me until the end.'

Lexa looks up at Clarke who can't bear to tear her eyes away. 

'That helps me. Thank you.' 

She smiles back faintly, and then slides her eyes down to the calves in the water. Lexa finally notices, and her mouth opens as if it's going to catch flies. 

'You can do it, Lex.'

She tries not to think about the slip. 

Clarke watches with veiled excitement as Lexa lowers herself slowly and carefully into the water, which is just about waist height. When she's completely in, Clarke easily follows behind her having taught herself to swim with only a book and a stream. 

Lexa cannot help but smile as she feels the water sooth her wounds and relieve the slight joint pain in her shoulder. It's like she's floating. 

They stay like that for a matter of seconds, just drinking in the sunlight and the warm water. It's bliss for Lexa. 

'Clarke?'

'Mmm?'

'Are you happy?'

The simplicity of Lexa's question hits Clarke right in the gut. 

She takes a beat to form an answer in her head. Lexa doesn't know how difficult this is, but she'd prefer it stays that way. 

'Things have happened within the last few months that have been...tough, but... being in the water, being here in the sunlight... this is what I can salvage from happiness for now. It'll get better.'

'Are you happy that I'm here? Because if you're not, I would leave in a second, Clarke. Right now I want to do something that'll make you happy.'

Clarke can't help but be touched by Lexa's kind words. She's not used to this Lexa, but she's beginning to grow fonder of her. 

And it's terrifying. 

'You being here makes me content, Lexa. But you know something that would make me happy?'

'What?'

'You going underwater with me.'

Lexa laughs, a hearty laugh that she's never heard before. It's so goddamn beautiful. 

'Are you sure?'

'Of course. Take my hands.'

Clarke is almost shocked by herself when she takes less than a second to shoot out her arms. 

Lexa peers down at the outstretched hands, and lifts her eyes back up to Clarke.

When she takes them, Clarke slowly pulls them both underwater, Lexa not feeling any kind of fear. Not while she's holding onto Clarke.

Lexa cannot take her eyes off Clarke as they float in a suspended silence, and Clarke cannot think about anything but this. 

When they come up for air, Lexa pulls Clarke closer so they're only inches away from each other.

Lexa's wet lips and hair make her look like a mermaid, the ones Clarke has only read about in storybooks. She's mesmerising.

And she's getting closer and closer.

But before Lexa can take Clarke's lips between hers, she stops, and pulls back. 

Not abruptly as to scare her, but keeping a short distance.

'I'm...I'm sorry Clarke,' she says, not taking her eyes away even now. 

'No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't do this. Not yet.'

'Maybe...one day,' Lexa breathes, and she doesn't see the tears mingle with the droplets on Clarke's wet face.

'One day,' the Skai Heda replies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this chapter is a little bit of a filler, as I have college work and it's shorter than normal, but is rather angst heavy.
> 
> I'll keep votes open for the next fic idea for another couple of chapters, but PhD Students is winning by miles so far. Thanks again for reading, leave your comments in the box you lovely people.


	6. To Be Wise And Love Exceeds Man's Might

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's feelings for Lexa attract attention and Jaha makes a deal he'll regret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM BACK. 
> 
> I apologise profusely for not having written anything for absolutely bloody ages but I've been extremely busy with exams. So here you are, Chapter 6... it's all kicking off now.

Jaha wakes with a start, and it hurts like hell.

He groans audibly and rise from his fetal position on the floor, looking around him and having a sense of Deja Vu.

He’s in a dank cell with bars of barbed wire, but the sun is leaking in and he isn’t underground this time. The cuts and bruises have appeared, angry on his chest and face, and he’s sure he has some broken ribs. He wonders what he did to really deserve this.

His mind wonders back to when he threw the boy off the row boat to save himself and John Murphy.  Jaha hasn’t seen Murphy in weeks; he’s most probably dead, along with all the others who joined him to depart for the City Of Light.

If this is what was coming, he wished he’d never bothered.Stayed and maybe even listened to Abby.

A creak comes from behind the cell, and he doesn’t react as he’s wrenched out of the cage and into the burning sunlight, which burns his eyes horribly.

He’s in hell.

He’s dropped unceremoniously to the dry, brown, dying grass, killed by the sunlight. He looks up to see Zakur blocking his view of the sun itself, sneering at him with a grin. He is sickening.

‘We have a ritual here in this clan, Thelonious,’ he begins, circling Jaha while looking down upon him as if he is a piece of dirt.

The man wonders if he should beg for death now to save his misery.

‘We must endure a certain amount of bloodshed and pain before we become real warriors. If we don’t survive, then we cannot help further our cause. They’re the weak ones,’ he says, beginning to unbuckle his armour.

‘But those who are strong survive the ritual. And they become legends.’ Jaha looks in horror as Zakur reveals the angry scars that line his toned body, three lines scratched through his skin like a bear claw ripping through his torso.

‘They remind me that I am a legend. That I am stronger than the measly TriKru. Lexa would never survive this. I did. I am the rightful leader, and I will take back what is mine. Our land shall be in our possession once more. ‘But enough about me!’ he declares with a deadly smile.

'Let’s begin. Do you have what it takes? Do you possess the strength of a Gona com JusTriKru?’ He mutters something in Trigedasleng, Jaha can only assume, and he feels what’s left of his shirt being ripped from his back, and he’s being pinned down to the ground. People draw closer, eager to watch the ceremony, and Zakir pulls out a Katana that will surely slice through his flesh so mercilessly that the pain will never leave his body.

‘I’m not a warrior, please, I don’t want to be, don’t do this!’

‘You’ve been training, Jaha, whether you knew it or not. This is it. This will determine whether you live…’ He brings the Katana slowly down to Jaha’s bare chest and hovers.

‘Or die.’

Jaha screams like never before as Zakur brings the blade down into his skin and pulls it through, slicing through his pectoral muscles like fire and ice in a terrible fusion of hell. It endures for what feels like hours. He feels like he is dying slowly, blood draining out of him and his muscles failing as they’re severed in two. It’s a pain that he had never experienced, and hoped that his son didn’t experience when his death came upon him.

Zakur stands as he finishes the task, and Jaha is twitching like an animal just shot and about to lose its breath for the final time. The pain heightens when Zakur kicks him heavily in the side, laughing as he does so with his crazed eyes.

‘The pain will go. You’re a warrior now. Or, if you die in that spot… then you’re just a corpse that could never live up to being a hero. Not for the Sky People, not for us.’

‘I don’t want to be…a hero…’

‘But you want revenge, don’t you? You want to kill the person who gave the girl the means to murder your son. You want revenge for the woman that turned your people against you. You will only sate that desire with us. If you heal.’ The former Chancellor drags himself to his hands and knees, his cuts bleeding heavily as he fights the need to vomit.

‘How…how do you know that?’ Zakur simply laughs and nods to outside the ever-growing circle around the two. A pair of warriors drag a topless man, not more than 18 years of age, into the circle and drop him heavily. His groan is laughed at by the entire population. Jaha knows the boy from his days on the Ark - he was one of the 100, he remembers, trapped in Mount Weather. Obviously they had survived. Shame.

‘This is Tobias Jones, Chancellor. I trust you know his face?’ Jaha wordlessly looks towards the boy, who is staring at him with disbelief.

‘How the fuck are you still alive?’

The Chancellor just scoffs and looks back up at Zakur.

‘Where’d you find him?’

‘He was just walking through the forest with a few of his so called friends,’ Zakur explains, twirling the end of his sword on his finger as Jones can’t seem to keep down whatever’s left in his stomach.

‘And we snatched him. We can’t exactly make a battle plan with no information about our enemies, can we? Especially now that the Commander has made an alliance with the SkaiKru. So we sat him down,’ he continues, walking over to him slowly, ‘and made him…tell us…everything.’

His sword slices across Jones’ face and he screams wildly, making Jaha wince and look away. It’s a gruesome sight and the JusTriKru can’t get enough of it.

‘And now he’s told us everything we need to know, and you know what we do with things that we don’t need anymore? We dispose of it.’ There’s not a second in between him making his voice heard and him taking out his rounded throwing weapon and stabbing it coldly between Jones’ eyes.

Jaha watches as the life leaves his body and his eyes become empty.

‘You know something else, Thelonious? There’s another person who’s to blame for your son’s murder. Who was the one who, say, took your son’s heart and made it so that he would never leave her? Who she brainwashed so thoroughly that he went to Earth for her? If he hadn’t met her…if she hadn’t done that to him… he’d still be alive.’

‘It wasn’t Clarke’s fault, it was mine. I was the chancellor who killed hundreds for crimes that weren’t punishable by death. If that girl’s parents weren’t dead she wouldn’t have killed my son.’

‘But you could avoided him ever being in danger in the first place if she’d just been executed. Wouldn’t that have been easier?’

Jaha can’t believe he’s really considering this.

~()~

‘Clarke.’

She turns around and find she’s looking upon Octavia. The warrior woman had noticed her sat by the fire, so deep in thought she hadn’t looked up and seen the sparring session that had started not 10 feet away from her.

Octavia sits beside Clarke, a few steps away so as not to crowd her. She doesn’t want to scare her away; the girl knows that she’s not an afraid little animal but when she’s so deep in thought it’s easy to startle Clarke.

Especially now that she’s so confused about… everything.

‘What’s going on in that nut job head of yours, Griffin?’ Clarke keeps her eyes trained on the fire for a few more seconds before blinking a couple of times, looking over to Octavia with a questioning stare. Octavia sighs when Clarke doesn’t answer.

‘You’ve been avoiding me ever since we got here, you’ve been avoiding Lexa for like three days and she’s already thirsty. What’s up?’

Clarke looks back at the fire and waits.

She’s not entirely sure she’s ready to talk to Octavia about what happened with Lexa - they haven’t even had a full blown conversation since the reunion, let alone a heart to heart.

‘I still feel like we haven’t cleared things up.’

‘Are you kidding? We’re okay, Clarke.’

‘No, we’re not. I don’t want to be just okay, I want it to be at least a version of what it used to be. I know it’ll never be the way it used to be, but…’ she trails off and puts her head down, regrouping in her mind.

‘Okay. Clarke… I know that I held a grudge against your for the missile, but I’ve… come to understand your reasons. It doesn’t mean I agree with them, but you did what you thought was best. And all in all, it saved more people that it would have done had you let them evacuate. It’s still lives I’m horrified we lost lives we could possibly have saved, but you couldn’t take that risk. I get that now. So please, just…please. Stop beating yourself up over that, because I gave that a lot of thought a long time ago and I don’t want or need to think about it any more. Let’s just put it behind us and focus on the fact that you,’ she punches Clarke likely on the arm, ‘have a very strong admirer.’

‘Yeah, that’s the other thing.’ Octavia raises an eyebrow. Clarke licks her lips and looks back to Octavia, keeping a smile away from her face even though really, part of her is smiling. Part of her loves that Lexa feels this way. The other knows it won’t last forever.

‘She tried to kiss me. In the spring.’ Octavia shifts slightly as she gazes into the fire.

‘What did you expect? You’re the only thing that she actually remembers, and considering what happened before…’

‘I know, Octavia. I’m still thinking about forgiveness myself, she’s still the same person she was, the one that betrayed me…but she isn’t. I don’t know.’

‘You’ve failed to answer one extremely simple question, Clarke.’ The Skai Heda looks to the warrior questioningly.

‘Do you have feelings for her?’

Clarke drops her head, feeling tears sting her eyes. She doesn’t want Octavia to see her like this.

‘Yes.’

It’s the first time she’s admitted it to anybody. Including herself.

‘I don’t know what to do, Octavia.’

‘Hey.’ Clarke looks up, and Octavia puts her forehead on the side of Clarke’s head, putting her other hand around her shoulders.

‘You’re Clarke Griffin, and even when everybody’s counting on you, you always pull through. I know that you can figure this out, even if it hurts. Just… I don’t know, take some time out, go for a walk or a hunt, or something. Get your head clear.’

Clarke smiles into Octavia’s eyes.

‘Okay.’

Octavia rises and nudges Clarke’s shoulder with her hip.

‘Good. And do me a favour and tell your little puppy dog you’re alive, she’s getting worried about you.’

‘She’s not a puppy dog.’

‘No, she’s the fiercest commander of the twelve clans that’s ever lived. But she’s a puppy dog if you’re involved.’

‘You’re an asshole.’

Octavia struts away with a satisfied smirk adorning her face.

‘Yup.’

~()~

Clarke walks down to the spring, having a feeling that might be Lexa’s port of call considering she’s been searching for her. She wonders what it must be like to know nothing apart from one single face.

One person.

She understands Lexa’s uneasiness in that respect. Lexa turns at the sound of footsteps on the rocks, and smiles at Clarke’s presence.

Clarke is trying her best not to ignore the stirrings in the pit of her stomach at that. It gives her butterflies, Lexa’s smile. The one so rarely seen. She just doesn’t want to be scared anymore.

‘Clarke. I thought you might be here.’

‘Here I am,’ she replies, a half smirk on her face as she sits tentatively next to Lexa.

‘You’ve been avoiding me.’ Clarke snaps her head up to Lexa, who has the ghost of a sad smile on her face. She hates that look. She feels guilty for it, but at the same time she knows she doesn’t mean it badly.

‘I haven’t been avoiding you, Lexa. I’m just figuring stuff out in my head. Speaking of which…I’m gonna go somewhere for a few hours, I might not be back til nightfall.’

‘I understand Clarke. You know you can talk to me, don’t you?’

Clarke stares into the deep green eyes.

They look like the earth. They remind her of the green grass that she’d longed to step in for her whole life until she reached the ground. When she laid down in it and smelled the blades of it, drinking in the nature and never wanting to breathe it out again.

‘How come you had all those memories stuck in your head, everything, and you remembered me? Why do you think that is, Lexa? It confuses me so much. I don’t understand… why you’d remember me.’

‘Clarke, I’m beginning to think it’s more and more obvious…I don’t know how it happened, but I think I know why… it meant something. To me.’

Lexa doesn’t take her eyes away from Clarke’s for a second. She just can’t.

And then, Clarke saw it.

The exact same look that Lexa had on her face before she kissed Clarke.

The longing stare at the lips, the flicker back up to her blue eyes. It’s all there. It’s just without the warpaint and with less of the heavy burden of war.

Clarke can’t take it.

She wants it. She wants to let herself have this, let the betrayal go, leave it behind and start anew. But what if Lexa’s memory returns? Nothing will be the same. They’ll be stuck in a limbo of betrayal and trust issues and love and forgiveness all at the same time.

Clarke doesn’t know if she can cope with it.

Part of her wants to try, but her sorry little other self just can’t. All these thought processes seem to have led to her ignoring the fact that Lexa is just inches away from Clarke’s lips. The Skai Heda is looking into the green eyes of the most beautiful woman she has ever known and there are tears falling down her face.

‘I have to go.’ She rises slightly before Lexa gently pulls her back down, but leans away from her.

‘I’m sorry Clarke. Don’t leave because of that. I…I’m sorry.’ Clarke’s never seen something so gentle and considerate before. She’s in awe of Lexa and she wonders if this is what it was like for Costia. Did she treat Costia with such gentleness and sensitivity? Care and beauty? She wants this so badly. Oh, God does she want this badly.

‘Why are you so conflicted, Clarke? Is it to do with our past?’ Clarke doesn’t hesitate to tell her the truth this time.

‘Yes.’

‘I want you to tell me.’

‘Lexa…’

‘I need to know, Clarke. I have to. Not knowing myself, even if I might not be happy with it, is killing me. Nothing feels right in my life. Nothing except you. I need to know why you feel right and nothing else does and maybe… just maybe my past will help me with that.’ Clarke lets herself gaze into Lexa’s eyes a little while longer before turning her head to the spring and breathing slowly. She begins to tell Lexa the story that she knows.

When they met.

_‘You’re the one who burned 300 of my warriors alive.’_

_‘You were the one who sent them there to kill us.’_

~()~

Lexa’s almost in tears by the end.

Clarke pauses.

She’s told Lexa everything, from Finn’s death to their kiss in the Commander’s tent.

It’s her reactions that Clarke can’t seem to get out of her head. There is sympathy when she talks about Finn, grief she tells her about Gustus, despair when she talks about the missile.

It’s when she moves on to the kiss that her eyes change. Clarke can see a glimmer of hope, a possibility that actually, her life can have meaning that isn’t just survival. Lexa waits, knowing that they must be in the final words of the story.

Clarke cannot seem to bring herself to tell Lexa about her betrayal.

She hasn’t said it out loud yet.

She doesn’t really want to, either.

‘Clarke?’

‘I’m sorry. I can’t do this. I have to go -'

‘Clarke, please! Don’t leave!’

‘I need -' her breath hitches between her sobs, and she can’t even stay to finish her sentence.

She climbs up the rocks quickly and runs into the forest, away from TonDC’s entrance. There’s only one place she wants to be.

~()~

Murphy wakes up, sleep in his eyes and a bright light piercing his pupils like a needle. He sees the bars before he sees anything else.

‘Fuck!’ He screams in a whisper, fed up of being caged. People have caged him his entire life. He’s done with that. So fucking done.

He hoists himself to his feet, quite surprised that he has received no injuries whatsoever. He normally has by the stage. He looks out and sees the one person who he really didn’t want to see. Jaha. He is facing off with the guy who looks like the tribe’s leader, and he’s bleeding pretty badly too.

‘What the hell are you doing, Chancellor?’ He whispers to himself, knowing nobody can hear him. He watches the exchange for a few minutes, seeing Jaha’s anger start to bubble.

The tribe leader’s taunting him, and tempting him at the same time with revenge and sated desires of victory.

‘I will get my victory over Lexa, the twelve clans will finally be led by the JusTriKru, and you will have your dignity, your freedom, and your revenge.’

He turns away from the tribe leader, looking at the ground.

Murphy waits with bated breath.

He turns around and he can hear Jaha’s voice booming across the clearing. He’s on the edge of the forest line, but he can still hear it.

‘I will fight with you, Zakur, I will have my dignity back. But after we are done here, you leave me be. You let me live my life.’ The tribe leader smiles evilly and holds out his hand. The other is behind his back.

And his fingers are crossed.

Is this fucking pre-nuclear high school?

The deal Jaha thinks he will strike isn’t going to be a deal at all.

He’s selling out the Sky People. ‘Fuck you, Jaha. Fuck you, fuck fuck fuck -'

He looks around his cell, seeing the guards have moved forward to watch the exchange between the leader and Jaha, and he tries to find a loophole. A way out.

He has to tell the others.

He starts looking at the bars, seeing if he can manoeuvre them, checking for any sign of weakness.

Then he sees the hole.

He could squeeze out of there, he’s not exactly muscly.

He looks back to the commotion that has erupted due to Jaha’s deal being struck, and checks for guards. They’ve disappeared. Fucking idiots.

It takes him a good minute to squiggle out of the hole, but he does, and he creeps away into the forest line, checking for anybody looking around.

Then he runs.

He doesn’t think he’s ever run so fast in his life. He hopes it’s in the right direction, because if it’s not then he’s screwed. If they don’t catch up with him then he’ll surely lose his bearings and be lost forever.

But he can’t stop now.

The Sky People need to be warned. And the Grounders too.

He starts to hear hooves from far away, and knows they’ve seen his empty cell. It only speeds him up. He sees a razor sharp branch sticking out and mid run, he brings his hands tied by rags down on it and cuts them in one fell swoop.

He’s on fire. The hooves are getting closer and closer, and he knows he hasn’t got much time. He needs to find a ditch to hide in, something.

That’s when the arrow gets him in the shoulderblade.

He wants to scream, he wants to howl like a bloody wolf but he just can’t. He sees a dip in the path where he could hide and jumps, landing roughly on his good side and waiting for the horses and men to pass him.

He breathes in quietly, looking over his shoulder at the protruding arrow. He sees the shine to it, and sighs. Laced with poison.

He’s been faced with death many times.

He waited to be floated on the ark. He watched and choked as Bellamy kicked out the platform from under him and felt his life flash before his eyes. He tried to accept death as an old friend when the Grounders were torturing him and he almost felt upset when they let him go. But he’s done with waiting patiently for death. If he’s going to die, he’s going to do it knowing he’s done something right, for once in his miserable fucking life.

He hauls himself upright, feeling the poison spreading already. He sees the car sticking out of the ground and that’s when he knows he can finally find his people.

~()~

Clarke’s firing through the forest on her horse. She knows exactly where she’s headed, and she hasn’t been there since she and Raven went scouting for something with a radio frequency.

It doesn’t take her long, not more than ten or fifteen minutes on horseback. She dismounts her horse and walks to the latch, pulling it up and hopping down into the bunker.

Taking off her jacket, she walks through the corridor, passing the guns and the boxes filled with toys and amenities that are long useless.

She’s only here for one thing.

The record player is sat comfortably in a corner, and Clarke pulls up a stool and pulls the box of vinyls, starting to flip through. She goes through the Beatles, ABBA, the soundtrack from some Acapella movie, Imagine Dragons…

Imagine Dragons.

She pulls out the vinyl and looks at the album. 2014 must have been such a simple time.

She puts it on the record player and sets the needle down, standing and taking her stool back, taking the cushion from on top of one of the boxes and setting it by the record player.

She sits on the cushion, legs crossed, and leans against the edge of the bunker as the song begins to play.

_In the dark_

_And I’m right on the middle mark_

_I’m just in the tier of everything that rides below the surface_

_And I watch from a distance seventeen_

_And I’m short of the others dreams of being golden and on top_

_It’s not what you painted in my head_

_There’s so much there instead of all the colours that I saw_

 

So much for clearing her head.

All she can think about is Lexa.

Her face won’t leave her mind, all she wants is for her to be here when she left her in the first place. She doesn’t regret not telling Lexa about what happened. Lexa might pull away from her if she did. She knows it’s probably not the best thing to put it all on her at once - the betrayal might pull back all the progress they’d made in past week or so.

Why does she want Lexa here so bad?

_We all are living in a dream_

_But life ain’t what it seems_

_Oh everything’s a mess_

_And all these sorrows I have seen_

_They lead me to believe_

_That everything’s a mess_

Everything is so fucked up, she thinks. Her relationship with her friends is changed forever, she’s killed hundreds of men, women and children.She’s fallen in love.

And she’s falling in love again.

She thinks.

_I wanna dream_

_I wanna dream_

_Leave me to dream_

She wants to be with her.

But Lexa betrayed her.

Clarke understands now, though. She understands that her people come first, and they always have. That’s Lexa’s life. It’s her life too, really. She may have walked away but she knows that they’ll always see her as their leader. Bellamy told her as much.

But she doesn’t want to think about leadership now.

_In the eyes_

_Of a teenage_ _crystallised_

_Oh the prettiest of lights that hang the hallways of the home_

_And the cries from the strangers out at night_

_They don’t keep us up at night_

_We have the curtains drawn and closed_

Lexa wants her.

She wants her so much that Clarke was the only thing that Lexa remembered. Clarke came back for Lexa.

She’s still in TonDC and she’s still seeing her family because she came back to help Lexa.

Lexa’s who she wants. Everything else has to be in the past if she wants her life to move on.

She stands up and breathes heavily, realisation pouring through her head.

‘Clarke?’

She hears Lexa’s voice, and it’s music more than what’s seeping through the dusty record player.  Her heart stops.

_I know all your reasons_

_To keep me from seeing_

_Everything is actually a mess_

_But now I am leaving_

_All of us were only dreaming_

_Everything is actually a mess_

Lexa hops down into the bunker easily, as if she hadn’t dislocated her shoulder just a week ago.

She’s got Clarke’s jacket on. The one she’d left in the village when they went to the tents near Mt. Weather. She must have picked it up from the village on her way here.

‘Lexa.’

She walks to where Lexa has hopped down into the bunker, and stops just short. She doesn’t know if Lexa will want to be near her after she just left her.

‘Clarke I know you said you wanted some space but I-'

‘It’s okay,’ Clarke interrupts.

‘No, let me finish. Please.’ Clarke steps forward, nodding once.

‘I know that you told me all that and it probably…I don’t want to assume anything… it probably took a hell of a lot to say that out loud. And I understand.’

‘What… what do you understand?’ Clarke stutters lightly.

‘I understand if you don’t want to finish the story. I get if it’s too painful. But we should…we need to move on from this. We’ll never be the same… and there has to be a reason other than chance that you are the only thing I remember… that you’re the only thing that feels right…’

‘I think… I think it’s because…’

‘Don’t say it. Let’s leave that til later. I’m not going anywhere.’

Clarke smiles thickly, tears pooling in her eyes. ‘Okay.’

‘Clarke… I know this relationship is kind of… broken… but can we repair it? I know that this is strange because I’m not exactly… the Lexa you know.’

Clarke breathes in with a stutter, sobs threatening to break through.

‘But I want to be yours. I can’t promise my memories won’t return. But I’ll always know that…you know. Memories or not. That’s the only thing I really understand. I want to understand my life again, I do. But I want somebody to be in it who understands me.

‘I’m not asking you to be my healer. I’m not asking you to be my confidant. But I am…I want… I want to be with you, Clarke. If you want.’

Clarke sobs then, and Lexa opens her arms so Clarke can step into them. She doesn’t bury her face into Lexa’s shoulder, nor does she pull her into a hug.

She just puts her hands on the Commander’s neck and looks into her eyes. The girl sees nothing but honesty and beauty staring back at her.

‘I understand if you need some time, Clarke.’

Clarke is about to consider saying she does, but then she realizes.

She’s had time now. She knows what she wants. If things change, if Lexa’s memories -

No.

She’s thinking too hard.

_Stop thinking, and just do it._

‘I need you,’ she says quietly.

It’s as tentative as the first kiss was. They both leaned in, this time. Clarke remembers Lexa’s soft lips well, and she revels in the kiss. The break apart for a second, slowly, and Clarke opens her eyes to see Lexa’s are still closed. She’s trying to remember every second of this kiss. She won’t forget this one. Not ever.

Clarke puts a hand on the side of Lexa’s head and kisses her again, with just a little more desire, just a little more fervour to sear the memory into her heart. The kiss deepens gradually, with Clarke’s tongue flickering against Lexa’s lip, and Lexa opening her mouth to let Clarke in. Clarke feels she cannot breathe in the most wonderful of ways when she hears Lexa moan.

It feels like they’re there for hours. Of course it does - they’re in their own world, each other’s world. And it’s beautiful, and Clarke doesn’t want it to ever stop. She’s forgotten about everything, just for now, just for Lexa and she loves that she can.

They break apart and look into each other’s eyes, foreheads pressed together and smiles on both their faces. It’s blissful, and Clarke would not have it any other way right now.

‘Shall we walk back?’

‘Well we could take the horses but…we can walk. I’d like a bit more time with you if that’s alright, Clarke.’

‘Of course, Commander.’ Clarke smiles fondly and grabs her hand, leading her to the door of the bunker.

‘You may call me Lexa, Clarke. You can be the rare exception,’Lexa says softly, laughing as she does so.

They climb out of the bunker and lead their horses in the direction of TonDC.

She’s finally moving on, and everything is getting better. Finally.

~()~

Murphy finally reaches the clearing, and recalls the river as the one near the Grounder village. He’s starting to lose focus in his eyes, and he’s pretty sure he’ll be hallucinating soon, but he has to get there.

He has to.

He stumbles across the shallow part of the river, and notices two blurry figures up in front of him. The blonde hair is unmistakable.

‘Clarke,’ he says weakly, and she turns halfway, as if she’d heard the wind whisper.

‘CLARKE!’

It’s the other woman who turns around fully at first, Clarke quickly in her wake.

‘Murphy!’ The two women run over to him swiftly, the other woman not as quick but still agile.

He slumps forward, landing unceremoniously on his knees and then falling onto his front. Clarke turns him slightly, seeing the arrow now broken and shorter is protruding from his shoulder blade.

She puts a hand on his head and turns it slowly so she can see his eyes. His pupils are dilated massively, and she sees the infected blood seeping from the edges of his jacket around the wound.

‘Lexa, I need you to take the horses and go back to TonDC now, tell them we’re here and tell them we need the antidote for the arrow poison, go, now,’ Clarke says hurriedly, rambling as Lexa rises.

Lexa runs for the horses quickly and mounts one, riding him away up to the village to get help.

‘Murphy, what the hell happened to you?’

‘I was locked up in…in a camp…I got out… Jaha was there…’ ‘Wait, Chancellor Jaha?’ ‘He was making a deal with them…they’re coming.’

‘…What?’

‘They…they’re going to fight for the leadership. The leader…his name’s…’ he cries out in pain as the wound sizzles angrily, Clarke having ripped his jacket and shirt away from the wound.

‘He wants Lexa dead. He wants all of us dead. And he’s using… he’s using Jaha’s knowledge to do it.’Murphy’s head dips back onto the sand, his energy waning.

‘Oh my God,’ Clarke whispers.

‘They’re coming Clarke. They’re going to kill us all.’ His eyes close slowly, he can’t fight keeping his eyes open any more.

‘Murphy, no, stay awake, keep your eyes open!’ she shouts at him.

Somebody’s coming to kill Lexa. To kill them all.

Not while she’s around.

Not ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof. I am rather terrible, aren't I? 
> 
> Don't worry, it will be a fraction of the time to wait for the next update. Pinky promise.


	7. Tragedy Calls For Inspiration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Murphy reveals the JusTriKru's plans and Clarke learns of Zakur's own murderous intentions, Indra, Octavia and Bellamy go to recruit two powerful beings for their fight. Camp Jaha isn't as safe as first thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU for sticking by this, people. This chapter is where the action basically starts, so I hope you guys like the next couple of chapters.

Clarke sits outside Murphy’s tent, waiting patiently for him to be well and awake enough. 

She has to speak to him. 

They have to be prepared for these people. 

God, she can’t take this. It was all calming down. She can’t have one day of happiness and peace before it’s ruined by another crisis.

Lexa comes back with Indra at her side, who looks, for lack of a better word… disturbed. 

Lexa obviously doesn’t know the implications of what Murphy said. 

And it looked like Clarke was about to find out. 

‘Lexa, would you give Clarke and I a moment?’ 

She sounds softer than usual. It’s for Lexa, she knows that. She doesn’t want to overwhelm her before such time as it’s necessary.

Clarke respects Indra in that moment. 

Lexa wordlessly presses a kiss to Clarke’s head, who closes her eyes as she does so, then the young woman goes over to Bellamy and Octavia, who are sat by the fire. When they greet her with such fondness Clarke can’t help but feel her heart swell in her chest. 

Indra sits by Clarke on the log, her face grave. Clarke knows she doesn’t like what’s coming. 

‘When Lexa was younger, before the spirit of Heda was found in her, she had a brother. He was her half brother; her mother had birthed him with another man. He died, she remarried and then Lexa was brought into this world. She showed promise from the start, both of them were exemplary combatants. Zakur was 15, Lexa 8, when she was found to have the spirit of Heda. His jealousy drove him mad. He challenged Lexa to a fight to the death, and many doubted she would survive, but she did beat him. She let him live, and it was the worst decision she ever made. She was merciful like that until Costia died.’ 

Clarke shivers when she hears the name of Lexa’s deceased lover. 

‘He rallied some who doubted Lexa still, idiotic warriors that they were, and they ran into the forest and did not return. We continually sent scouts to find them, but they were unsuccessful. It was only one day after Lexa was named Heda when a scout was sent back to the camp with a spear through his head, a message written.’

Clarke doesn’t know if she wants to hear this. 

‘The TriKru will fall. The JusTriKru will rise.’ 

The Skai Heda takes in a breath, trying to not panic. 

Lexa’s in more danger than ever, and she doesn’t even know it. 

‘Lexa cannot command in her current state, and as much as I am not one to ask for help…we need it, Skai Heda.’

Clarke’s head rises, her face serious and sincere. 

‘I’ll lead the Sky People. We will help you.’

Indra stands before Clarke, who stands abruptly and offers out her hand. 

The General instead of shaking it, pushed it down softly, blinking hard. 

‘That is not what I am asking, Skai Heda. I am asking you to take Lexa’s place. Our army and this clan respects you. They will undertstand that this clan needs a strong leader, and although Lexa is that, she needs to learn once again. For this battle, we must keep Heda safe. You are the leader that we need to stop the JusTriKru.’

Clarke is overwhelmed. 

Yes, she led the Sky People when they got to the ground, but they didn’t now what they were doing. They didn’t know the land, so Clarke had felt more like a guide, a teacher, a mentor. When she led the TriKru last, they were 

Being a leader of hundreds of people who await her orders to go to war is something she doesn’t know she’s ready.

So, naturally.

‘It would be my honour.’ 

~()~

‘Where am I?’

Murphy begins to sit up, alarmed by the attire of the people in the tent. They are Grounders, and for all he knows they could be healing him so Zakur can make him suffer again. They could be JusTriKru.

‘Help, HELP!’ 

The man tries to hold him down, but then Clarke bursts through the tent, rushing to the side of the bed. 

‘Murphy, Murphy hey! It’s me, it’s Clarke! You’re in TonDC! The JusTriKru aren’t here. You’re okay.’

He looks at her uneasily, leaning up on one elbow. 

‘They’re not?’

‘No. It’s just the TriKru. Nobody else. I promise.’

He finally relaxes, but he still seems confused. He puts a hand on his tender shoulder blade, Which is now bandaged heavily.

‘You got the poison out.’

‘Actually he did,’ Clarke replies, glancing at Nyko. Murphy softly raises one eyebrow, and sits up slowly. He rolls his shoulder blade slowly, sucking his lips as he does so. As the feeling comes back, he holds out a hand to shake to Nyko.

Clarke’s more than stunned. 

Nyko looks down at it, and back up. He smirks slightly and wraps his hand around Murphy’s wrists, who even cracks a smile.

‘Thanks for saving my life, man.’

‘You are welcome, Mofi. You showed mercy when you were with your friend in our village. If you had not been there, my son could have died. I thank you.’

‘Let’s call it even,’ Murphy says, dropping his arm and looking at Clarke, who snaps out of her gobsmacked expression.

Murphy scoffs as Nyko leaves the tent. 

‘Murphy, I need you to tell me what happened with the tribe.’

The man sighed, dropping his head for a moment. It’s what he came here to do. Clarke needs to know. 

‘Jaha sold us out. They trained him to be a fucking warrior. And he thought he made a deal for them to leave them alone if he helped them beat us. I mean they won’t keep it, they won’t. But he did it, and now we’re screwed.’

‘Murphy, you don’t know that -‘

‘Clarke, they slash their chests three times just reach warrior status. They’re tougher than a lot of the people here, and they have the numbers.’

‘Hey. We have guns. And we have skilled warriors here, more skilled than you obviously know.’

‘You didn’t see these people, Clarke, they’re more bloodthirsty than anything. And Zakur, well… he’s a fucking maniac. He’s clever. He’ll know exactly what he’s doing, and he’ll stop at nothing to kill Lexa and takes over. They’ll be here in a few days, I’m sure of it.’

Clarke’s face has turned emotionless.

‘Yeah well he may be clever, but he forgot about one thing.’

‘What?’

‘Me.’

She stalks out of the tent, determined. She will lead the TriKru. The JusTriKru don’t stand a chance. 

Zakur is not going to take anything from this clan, not from Lexa, and not from her. 

She’s doing this for everyone. Including her.

She will fight for her happy ending, and for her people. 

All of them. 

~()~

Lexa is sitting by the fire, Bellamy having retired not long ago and Octavia taking up a guard watch.   
She can’t believe that she and Clarke have finally made it. Clarke…at least, likes her, and she is sure that she’ll be in love with Clarke soon enough. She wants to make it work with Clarke, and start fresh. Learn her role as Commander again, and be the person Clarke deserves along with it. 

Lexa knows that it will be difficult, but she is sure that she can do this. For Clarke, and for those who care about her. She’s talked to some people, since returning to TonDC, extracting information about herself bit by bit. It isn’t much; she figures she must have been a rather private person, but it’s something. 

She doesn’t want to completely lose herself in her fresh start, but she wants to be happy. She knows that much. 

Lexa has heard whispers of a former lost love, one she lost in a battle of sorts with another clan. She must have had her revenge by now, as there is peace with most of the clans, and she will have mourned, she understands that. Even if it does set off a slight pang in her heart, she has Clarke now. 

Speaking of the devil, Clarke sits slowly next to her, looking at her with a somewhat serious expression on her face. 

She puts a hand on Clarke’s knee, stroking with her thumb.

‘Clarke, are you okay?’

Clarke closes her eyes, revelling in the feeling of Lexa’s comforting touch. She scrunches her eyes and opens them again, tears brimming.

‘Hey, what is it?’

Lexa moves her hand and puts it on Clarke’s cheek, brushing the hair back from her face with her thumb. 

‘Lexa, there’s a clan coming to try and take command. They’re going to throw everything they have at us. They have skilled warriors and a thirst for blood. We need to be ready. I need to be ready, I can’t lose you. Not this time.’

‘They won’t, we can defeat them. We have skilled warriors too, I have watched them in practice.’

‘I know. But their leader is out for blood and he’s coming straight for one person.’

It clicks for Lexa then.

‘Me. He’s coming to kill me.’

Clarke nods and brings up her hand to cover Lexa’s on her cheek.

‘What have I done?’

‘He has some unfinished business with you, through no fault of yours. Jealousy, mostly. But I won’t let him lay a hand on you, I -‘

‘Clarke, please don’t make promises you can keep.’ She tenderly places a kiss on the side of Clarke’s head. 

‘I’ll do my best to protect you. But there is something else.’

‘Tell me, love.’ 

Clarke momentarily smiles, but drops it as she begins to talk. 

‘Indra asked me to… she would like me to lead my people into battle with yours.’

‘Like the alliance?’

‘Somewhat. She also said that as you are still learning how to be Commander again…she wants me to lead both our peoples. She thinks that they trust me, and that they would follow me. I need to know if you’re okay with this.’

Lexa takes both of Clarke’s cheeks into her hands. 

‘Right now, I couldn’t think of anybody else to lead me and my people into battle. We can do this.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Almost as sure as I am that I want to be with you. Every step of the way.’

‘We will be with each other. But we will have to keep you in the front line, as much as I know how dangerous that is. If they know you don’t have the knowledge you used to, you’re even more vulnerable in their eyes.’

‘And in your eyes?’

‘Even without that part of your memory you are still the most fierce and brilliant person I have ever known. We are going to do this, and we can beat them.’

‘There’s something you’re not telling me, Clarke.’

‘What?’ 

‘About their leader.’

Clarke sighs, but looks back up at her lover. She can’t keep it from her. She’s done lying.

‘He has unfinished business with you because he’s your half brother.’

Lexa looks into the fire, then down at the ground. 

‘Well he obviously didn’t care enough to be my family, and turned against me. He isn’t worth it. You are part of my family now.’

Clarke’s breath hitches. She hadn’t expected that.

‘You…you see me as family?’

‘Even if it isn’t what you feel, Clarke, it’s what I feel. You need to know.’

‘I’m getting to that stage, yes.’ 

They smile at each other, both with tears in their eyes.

After a minute or so sitting close by the fire, they get up to retire to their tent. 

‘Clarke, when this is all over…I’d like to take you on a… a date, yes. A date.’

Clarke looks at Lexa mischievously, squinting a little bit at Lexa’s timid expression. 

‘Really?’ 

‘Yes. That is the custom, is it not? Of the Sky People? I want to… I want to court you, Clarke. Take our time, like you said.’ 

They haven’t…shared a bed, not like that. Not yet. Clarke wanted to take her time, and now she has to. Lexa agreed, and they hadn’t talked about it since.

‘Octavia put you up to this, didn’t she?’

‘She merely told me about the tradition. I am the one who acted on it.’

Clarke laughs, knowing Octavia wouldn’t be able to resist meddling. 

‘I’d love to, Lexa.’

Tonight, they embrace each other and find comfort in each other’s arms, even if their sleep is somewhat fitful given what’s coming. 

~()~

The workers at the armoury step up their game, and the warriors begin training more people to use basic combat, as much can be done in a few days. 

The Sky People prepare to leave for TonDC, taking most of the ammunition they can find. 

Meanwhile, Bellamy, Octavia, Theldrus and Indra make their way deeper into the forest, underneath the mountain. 

There, two lone loves dwelled that were allies with the TriKru. 

They step into the cave, which is dark apart from a few lone candles and some lanterns. 

‘I request to see the two vampires.’ Indra even looks uneasy. Octavia knows some shit is up if she’s worried. 

A black panther appears from the shadows, sniffing and snarling once, quietly. 

Following her is a cheetah, smaller, with spots all over its body. The cheetah does not snarl, but instead stays quiet, approaching the four with grace and confidence. The panther followed the cheetah, guard up. 

Suddenly, black and white smoke whips around the two animals, and standing there in hunting jackets and leather pants are two pale women. The cheetah had transformed into a short girl, with blondish hair that shines in the low lit cave, slightly curled. Her eyes, a bright golden, light up her entire face. She smiles softly at the four, while the taller girl is a completely different story. She has a death glare on her face, and her hair is as black as night. Her jawline could cut glass, and her eyes are a dark brown that made them look darker than anything else in the room. She threads her fingers through the other woman’s wordlessly. 

‘Laura. Mircalla.’ 

‘Indra,’ the shorter woman replies, her voice polite and content. 

‘What brings you here, TriKru?’ the taller one says more forcefully. Octavia notices her hand grips the other girl’s tighter. 

‘I am sorry Mircalla, I know that you have lived undisturbed here for some time. But I must humbly ask for your assistance just one more time.’

‘No.’

‘Carm…’

‘Laur, no. I am not helping them again. You know what happened last time.’

‘This threat isn’t something we can do on our own. We have another army, one with bullets who can assist us, but it will not be enough. Some of the warriors from the clan will be too fast, and you are the only thing faster. Please.’

‘Last time we helped you one of our own died. We cannot sacrifice any more for you humans. You wrecked the planet and now you’re at war. Again. Humans never learn.’ 

Laura simply looks at the taller woman, who has turned her back, her head in one of her hands while the other is tucked under her arm. 

‘As much as I hate to say it, she’s right. The Ice Nation killed Danny. She was the most powerful werewolf I’ve ever seen, and they still managed to spear her through her skull.’ She pauses, closing her eyes momentarily. There is so much sadness there, and Bellamy bows his head. This almost seems cruel. 

‘This is not the Ice Nation, Laura. This is the JusTriKru,’ Indra announces, catching Mircalla’s attention. 

‘The Blood Tree Clan? Seriously?’ Mircalla translates, waiting for more information from Indra.

‘The Commander’s brother leads them. He is out for revenge against Lexa, and he will bring the whole clan down with her. He will wipe us out and replace us. I am…I am begging you.’

‘Why didn’t Lexa herself come?’

‘She currently is ailed with memory loss. It is acute. She remembers almost nothing of her life. She’s relearning, but she will not be ready to lead for some time. I need your help to make sure there are people to lead when she recovers.’ 

Mircalla’s head drops. There must be something there, Octavia thinks, as Laura grabs her hand again. 

It’s Mircalla who eventually comes to a decision.

‘We will help you. But if any harm comes to Laura, or me, we will never return.’ 

Laura smiles at her lover’s agreement. 

‘I understand.’

‘When do you need us?’ Laura asks.

‘As soon as you can.’

‘We will be in TonDC in a couple of hours. ‘ 

Indra holds out a hand to shake. 

Laura takes it, but Mircalla does not. 

‘I will only shake hands with the Commander.’

Indra simply nods and they leave the cave, leaving the couple looking at each other in their wake. 

‘Who were those people?’ Bellamy inquires, walking a little faster to catch up with Indra. She always has a quick stride, an element that put her at the front; it shows her leadership more than any speech. 

‘They were two allies of the TrigedaKru. Extremely volatile, and more powerful than you, I, or even the Commander.’

‘Is there a word for them? They aren’t human.’ Octavia comments. She knows that much - their perfected, chiseled complexion that was almost like porcelain gave that away. She knows what Indra will say. She’s read about them many times before - in books that kept her occupied under the floor for 16 years. 

‘They are a species we call O Jak kom Jus.’

‘The takers of blood. Vampires.’ Octavia translates with ease. Bellamy side eyes her, almost jealous of his sister’s heightened intelligence on the subject. He grins softly.

‘Yes.’

‘You’ve received assistance from them before,’ Bellamy says, remembering the more stony vampire’s comment about one of their own.

‘Yes. The two vampires, and a werewolf. The werewolf suffered fatal injuries,’ Indra recounts, a stark look of despair on her face. 

Bellamy resigns to walking in silence. The information casts a veil over them, and they hurry back to TonDC. 

~()~

‘Raven, come on, we have to get moving. We need to get to TonDC before nightfall.’ 

‘Yeah, and we will. They sent us horses. We’re good.’ Raven side-eyes Wick with a small smirk. They’d been together since the Mount Weather Incident, and their relationship had blossomed into an exchange of kisses, sarky remarks and deep conversations at 3am that neither of them admitted to anybody else.

Abby walks over to the pair, smiling fondly and embracing Raven quickly, eager to get going. 

‘You okay?’ 

‘As much as you can be when you know people are about to try and murder you.’ 

‘Don’t be brash. We can beat these people.’ 

Raven gives a small smile. 

She realises that she hasn’t actually seen Clarke since Mount Weather. 

It makes her stomach turn a little. She’s nervous to see her again - she’d swiftly become one of Clarke’s best friends. She’d missed her a lot. 

‘The horses are waiting for you. We’re putting you at the front of the guards, you two getting in is first priority. We need you to prepare the ammo for our soldiers as soon as you get there.’

‘Got it,’ Wick says, coming up behind Abby with the bags full of tools. 

Raven sees Jasper walking into the small room near the medical bay of the Ark, holding a broken appliance in his hand.

‘Hey, you leaving for TonDC?’

‘Yeah,’ Raven replies, a small smile gracing her face. 

‘Tell Clarke I said…hi.’

Raven nods once. ‘Game console?’

‘Nintendo 64, best of the classics. Monty and I are fixing it up.’ 

‘Awesome. I’ll play a little Mario when I get back.’

‘Like you’d beat me,’ he says cockily, saluting her with two fingers and entering the room. 

In the distance, they begin to hear shouting, almost unintelligible. 

Abby looks in the direction of the clamour, and sees nothing. 

‘Let’s get you two on the move, come on,’ she says quickly, putting a hand on Raven’s back. 

10 minutes later, they’re safely on the path to TonDC, their horses trotting happily through the forest.

That’s when they hear it. 

A scream. 

Raven knows it’s Jasper. 

‘Jasper?!’ She screams, stopping her horse in front of the guards.

‘Raven, keep going. We have to get to TonDC.’ 

‘That was Jasper, he’s in trouble.’ 

‘RUN!’

Those are the last words of a guard at the back of the party. 

The next moment, he’s spitting blood from his mouth with a gaping wound through his chest. 

‘EVERYBODY GO, RUN!’ 

Raven doesn’t have time to try and turn back for Jasper, whose screams are still echoing through the forest, as Wick kicks his horse into action and Abby does the same to her and Raven’s horse. 

They race toward TonDC and leave Camp Jaha behind.

They cannot see the flames coming from the Camp, the fire reducing it to dust. 

~()~

Clarke walks out of her tent, hearing horses’ hooves come from the entrance to the village. She believes it’s her mother, Raven, Wick and the other guards. Everybody else was staying in Camp Jaha for their safety; that’s what she was told when her mother left to retrieve them. 

They weren’t supposed to be arriving for a few hours yet; they’d obviously been fast. In a hurry.

Why?’

‘Close the doors!’ 

Her mother and Raven are on one horse while Wick has mounted the other. 

They rush into the village and the gates are sealed shut behind them. They all look horrified. 

The Skai Heda runs over to them, Lexa joining them quietly. It is the Heda who speaks first. 

‘What happened?’

They all wait while Abby catches her breath, having dismounted the horse. 

‘They torched Camp Jaha. It’s gone. I don’t know about anybody else. The guards, they…’

‘They were behind us,’ Wick continued, ‘but they couldn’t keep up. I don’t have a good feeling about their chances now.’ He looks to Abby with an angry expression. 

‘I had no choice, getting you back here was the priority!’

‘Well what if they don’t survive?! We won’t have any soldiers to fire the fucking ammo!’

‘Both of you SHUT UP!’ Raven shouts, putting her hands between them both. 

‘This wasn’t anybody’s fault. We didn’t know they were going to ambush Camp Jaha. We have to keep working. That’s all we’ve got left now.’

Clarke nods, solemn. She hopes her friends in Camp Jaha have survived. 

~()~

‘Oh my God.’

‘O?’

The four are crossing the river back to TonDC when Octavia looks behind her.

‘What is it, Octavia?’ Indra says rather irritably. 

‘That smoke. It’s coming from Camp Jaha.’ 

‘Everybody’s still there, they aren’t supposed to leave for another half hour,’ Bellamy tells them, and Octavia and Indra look at each other instantly. 

‘We cannot go there,’ Indra says immediately, sensing Octavia’s eagerness. 

‘We have to, Indra.’

‘No. We don’t. We have to protect our people, TonDC and the Commander.’

‘Don’t you get it? Right now, we are with them. They are your people. They’re half your army. This isn’t Mount Weather. We aren’t doing that again. We have to help them, or we might lose the battle against the JusTriKru.’ 

It takes a number of seconds, but Indra does relent. Octavia’s right. They cannot do that again. They must adapt and change. If they are going to win this battle, the Sky People have to fight with them. No deal can be struck.

Not this time. 

‘We must hurry. The JusTriKru will make quick work of Camp Jaha.’

They run in the direction of the Sky People’s dwelling.

As Bellamy looks at Octavia, he really isn’t hopeful.

~()~

Jasper can’t breathe. The smoke is coming at him from all sides, and he cannot escape it. He’s scrambling for the door to the room, which leads out to the open camp. 

Suddenly, the door is swung open, revealing Bellamy. 

He pulls Jasper roughly out of the door, revealing an all out battlefield. 

Guards are shooting the warriors that have ambushed the camp, and they are fighting back with more force that he’s ever seen. There’s so much blood.

When he sees Monty cowering in a corner, a man looming over him, taunting him… Jasper sees red. 

He spies a sword that is lying by the tower, and scrambles to his feet. 

‘Jasper! Stop!’ 

He picks up the sword in his stride.

Time stops. 

He falls to the ground, the axe in his chest. He can’t be healed this time. 

~()~

It’s all a blur.

Monty is about to die, he knows that.

The brute above him lifts his axe, ready to murder him, but then he hears Jasper’s shout, echoing around the entire camp. 

He has a sword in his hand, ready to fight the towering man.

The warrior simply swings his axe away from him, and lets go. 

It lodges firmly through Jasper’s chest. 

‘No,’ Monty whispers. He can’t speak properly. His voice won’t work. 

Behind the brute, Bellamy smacks him down with a large hammer, rendering him unconscious. 

He runs to Jasper’s side, who is breathing sparsely. Monty crawls over, not able to rise to his feet. Tears are already streaming out of his eyes and everything is going wrong at once. His best friend.

His best friend is going to die and he can’t help him. 

He puts his hand on Jasper’s shoulder, and the boy’s head moves slightly, his terrified and painful eyes boring into Monty’s. 

Monty sobs.

‘F-f-f-f…finish that… that game c-c-c-console… for me.’ The words are choked and mingled with the blood pooling at the back of his throat. 

He looks to the sky one more time, smiling just slightly. 

His last breath leaves him shakily, and his eyes become lifeless.

Monty is paralysed with sobs and he’s clutching onto Jasper’s shoulder so hard that even Bellamy is having a hard time pulling his hand away. He leans his head on Monty’s, his tears mingling with Monty’s hair as he drags the younger boy away from Jasper’s lifeless body. 

Bellamy’s taken him just too far away for Monty to close Jasper’s eyes. 

~()~

It’s a couple of hours before anybody else returns to TonDC. 

The gates open slowly, and no more than 20 guards walk in, followed by Bellamy carrying Monty, Harper glued to their side, and Octavia and Indra helping some injured people through the gates. 

Civilians walk through, but hardly any. Most of them are from the original hundred. 

So many had been cut down. 

The night has firmly come now, the stars lighting up the sky. 

Clarke goes over to her friends, counting them one by one frantically. 

She counts them all but one.

‘Where’s Jasper?’ She asks. It’s deathly quiet, and Bellamy hears it. It’s like a stab to his stomach.

Bellamy looks like he is about to cry. Like he has been crying. 

No. 

Not Jasper.

‘No. Please don’t,’ Clarke starts, knowing the answer. 

‘He died trying to help Monty. We couldn’t bring him back. I’m so sorry,’ Bellamy says, breaking into tears with Monty in his arms. The younger man is in Bellamy’s arms, out cold. He’d already practically cried himself to sleep. 

Clarke doesn’t cry. Her face shows no emotions. She can’t believe after everything, she’s lost another person she loves. 

She’s done losing people. 

She walks away abruptly.

Clarke walks over to Lexa and Indra, who then follow her into her tent. 

10 minutes later, Clarke bursts through the entrance, Bellamy watching her stride to a raised stage some 20 metres away. She steps onto it and beckons Lexa softly, who joins her swiftly as the survivors and the inhabitants of TonDC begin to gather. 

The Skai Heda looks upon the people. She has to speak. She must.

‘What happened today is a tragedy. None of us can get around that. We’ve lost people we love, and some of us have lost our home. Camp Jaha is no more. The life as we knew it before is gone. We will mourn those that we’ve lost, and the home that is no longer ours. But right now, we must focus on what comes next. The JusTriKru are ready, they are vicious, and they are coming for this village. They won’t stop until complete destruction has been achieved. They revel in death.’

Lexa lifts her chin, watching Clarke with an admiring, solemn stare. 

‘They are not the only ones with fierce warriors. They don’t know that we can fight back. And we will.’ 

Cheers erupt from the TriKru, the Sky People still reeling from their wipeout. 

‘But one thing must be made clear. We are not two sides working together anymore. We can’t tell ourselves that we’re separate now. You,’ she gestures to the villagers, ‘are TriKru. But the Sky People are not Sky People any more. We dwell now on the ground. We have helped you, we’ve co-existed with you, and some among us have friends in your ranks. We can’t ignore that any more. We are not SkaiKru any more. We are TriKru. We live on this ground, and we will fight for it. We will fight along side you as your equals. With the permission from Heda herself and Indra, your General, I’ve been given the honour of leading you into battle. All of you. We are all Grounders now. We are compatriots, we are fellow warriors, some of us even friends, and we must fight for our freedom. The TrigedaKru will not fall to this tribe of anarchists. We will fight for our land, and we will fight for our clan. Will you accept the Sky People into your clan?’

There are whispers, translations, and people look to the Commander, and to Indra. 

Both of them hold their heads high and nod. 

Cheers erupt once again, and some Grounders even shake hands with the…former Sky People. 

‘I understand that this is unconventional, but these times call for measures that will bring us together quicker, and give us unadulterated strength in our time of suffering and our time of need. This is a time not for an alliance. This is a time for solidarity that cannot be torn apart. We are TrigedaKru, and we will not be wiped out. We will not be broken. Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim. I believe that, some other words I’ve learned in Trigedasleng are what should be used in this situation, four of many that we will learn.’

She waits a beat.

‘Jus Drein, Jus Daun.’

The words are uttered with such deathly connotations, and people begin to chant.

Indra comes onto the stage, and hands Clarke a Katana that is only just shorter than Lexa’s. 

Clarke tries to mask her surprise as she reaches to grip the hilt of the sword.

‘Clarke of the Tree People, you are named as TuHeda. Second in command to Heda. You will lead us into battle. Jus Drein, Jus Daun.’ 

Lexa looks at Clarke with determination and admiration. 

TuHeda looks back at her with surprise, and then a small smile, just for her. They could do this. 

The chants echo throughout the village, through the forest. 

Clarke is sure the JusTriKru will hear. And they will know.

The TrigedaKru will fight. Until the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couldn't be all good and keep everybody alive, could I?


	8. Gon Osir Stegeda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle commences.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

This is it.

Clarke grips the table in the Commander’s tent and closes her eyes, focusing on breathing normally.

She feels hands on her waist, and a cool breath fluttering over the back of her neck.

‘I trust you, Clarke.’

‘With what?’

‘My people. Your people….Our. People.’

‘Last time I led an army it ended with me killing an entire population of people,’ Clarke says. She stutters over the last part.

‘Whatever happened last time is behind us. We are both different people than we were then. We can do this together, whatever happens.’

Clarke turns around abruptly in Lexa’s arms.

‘You must keep yourself safe, Lexa. The first thing he’ll do is look for you. I know you want to help, but you have to hide, Lex.’

‘Clarke if I don’t show my face to the army they’re going to think something’s wrong. They could consider it a weakness that I hide. That I’m vulnerable.

Clarke stops for a minute and looks down.

Of course. Zakur isn’t stupid. He’d figure out that something was up if she wasn’t right at the front of that battle line.

‘Yeah.’

‘Clarke? Why can’t you look me in the eye?’

Lexa puts a finger under Clarke’s chin. Eventually, Clarke caves and peers right into Lexa’s waiting green eyes, alight with concern and…

Could that be love?

‘I can’t lose you again,’ Clarke mutters under her breath, her eyes shining with new tears. Will they ever stop?

‘You won’t, Clarke. I can’t promise that you won’t, but I know that I’ll do everything to stay on this earth for you. That I can promise you.’

Clarke is overcome with a surge of what she’s not sure is love, but might well be.

She captures Lexa’s lips forcefully, pulling her closer by slipping her hand round the back of her neck. Lexa pulls right back, wrapping an arm around her neck completely and tightening the hand that’s on her waist. Clarke runs her tongue along Lexa’s lip and the Commander opens her mouth widely in response, their tongues touching and their bodies getting ever closer.

It goes on for what feels like hours, until Clarke pulls away slowly.

‘We have to get ready,’ she whispers against her lover’s lips, her eyes still half closed. It’s never felt so sensual, and if the circumstances were different… who knows what would have happened.

‘I have an idea.’

~()~

‘Bellamy, are we almost ready at the border?’

‘The army’s just lining up.’

‘Alright. The archers on the mountain are ready.’

‘Do we have a visual?’

‘No, not yet. Can’t be far though, Bellamy.’

‘Alright Indra, thank you.’

Bellamy clicks the radio to standby and walks over to Octavia.

‘They’re ready up top, no visual on the army yet. We’re almost ready down here.’

Monty runs over to them, having sprinted down the line of the army.

‘We’re ready.’

‘Right. Bellamy, go and get Clarke and Lexa, bring them to the front line. I’ll get the vampires.’

Octavia runs through the army, straight for the entrance to the cave. They’d settled a little closer to TonDC to wait for the alert, and they are ready when Octavia finally arrives.

‘They’re on their way, and the army’s ready. Could you come with me? I’ll show you your position.’

‘Okay -‘

‘Wait.’

Carmilla puts a finger up.

‘Carm, please,’ Laura says, turning to her with a concerned look on her face.

‘Where’s Lexa?’

‘Mircalla…’

‘Where is she?’

Octavia purses her lips.

‘She’ll be at the front line almost as soon as you get there.’  
Before she can even shift from one foot to the other, Mircalla is at least halfway there.

Laura walks over to her and leans down in front of her, offering her back.

‘Get on.’

‘Seriously?’

‘We’ll be there in less than a minute.’

Octavia simply huffs, climbing onto Laura’s back and gripping on for dear life as they glide through the forest at lightning speed.

She guesses having vampiric allies is pretty useful.

~()~

Bellamy is standing outside the tent of the two Commanders.

‘It’s time to go guys.’

A few seconds pass, and Lexa emerges from the tent, clad in her battle gear and her signature war paint.

It’s Clarke that surprises Bellamy the most.

Wearing a stoic expression on her face, she walks out of the tent. She’s wearing battle gear that could intimidate even the strongest of men and women, and she is armed with a sword at one side and a pistol on the other.

Her war paint is different to Lexa’s - one spike protrudes up from her eye, halfway up her forehead before stopping. Down from her eye, there are two spikes that travel diagonally across her face, then cross just in line with her cheekbones. It’s the same on both eyes, and she looks as striking as Lexa did when she first looked up from her throne.

Bellamy doesn’t really compute anything for a second.

‘Eyes off her, Bellamy. Let’s go,’ Lexa says with a small smirk, following Clarke as she walks confidently though the army.

When they all reach the front line, the vampires are there waiting for them, Octavia loitering with Monty in the background.

When Lexa sees Mircalla, she stops dead in her tracks.

‘Lexa,’ the vampire says immediately, walking over to the Commander. She stops in front of her, not wanting to push any boundaries.

‘I remember your face. Why do I remember your face?’

‘I was a… guide, of sorts. But that is a story for a different time, Heda. Now,’ she puts a hand on Lexa’s upper arm, who looks down to where it’s covered her armour, ‘we fight.’

Clarke steps over to the exchange between the Commander and the vampire, and nods at the two vampires in her line of sight.

‘You are the TuHeda they have been talking about for days.’

‘My name is Clarke Griffin. You must be Laura.’

‘Yes,’ Laura says, stepping forward so she’s next to Mircalla.

‘This is Mircalla, my mate.’

Mircalla nods at Clarke the way the TuHeda had done just a moment ago, and it is not lost on Clarke that this is far more respect than has been given to anybody else, judging by the reaction of the Blake siblings - confusion.

‘We are honoured to have you in our battle line.’

Laura nods heartily, and takes Mircalla’s hand.

Mircalla’s head whips round to Laura’s, noticing her hand is being squeezed tightly.

‘What is it, Laur?’

‘They’re not far.’

Just on cue, Bellamy’s radio sparks into life.

‘Bellamy, we have a visual. They’re moving down into the forest, fast. You don’t have long, not more than five minutes. Ready the troops.’

‘Got it. I’ll pass you to Clarke,’ he says, giving the radio to the TuHeda, who stares into the empty tree line in front of them.

‘This is really happening.’

‘Clarke,’ he says, taking her head in his hands softly. ‘You can do this. We’re prepared and we’re more powerful.’

It takes Clarke a second to meet his eyes. ‘I know.’

He pulls her into a tight hug for a second, then releases her as quickly as he held her.

‘Good luck,’ he says, dropping his arm from hers and running down the army line to join Monty. Octavia has joined the left flank on the other side. Lincoln is with Indra on the mountain ridge with the other archers and gunners. At least he’ll be safer up there for now.

‘Laura, can you give me distance updates on the tribe? I’ll need to know when they can fire the first ammunition.’

‘Yes. Right now it’s over a kilometre, but it’s dropping. Fast.’

‘Okay. Positions,’ she bellows, mounting the horse readied for her and watching as Lexa mounts hers with ease.

Muscle memory really is underrated, Clarke thinks.

‘Mircalla?’ Lexa asks, looking down at the vampire by her side.

‘Yes, Lexa?’

‘Could you stay by Octavia before the fight? If you are the guide you say, she really could use some guidance in such a turbulent hour.’

‘And you, Heda?’

Lexa looks up again, at Clarke, who is talking to Laura about plans for the archers, a radio to her mouth so she can talk to Indra as well.

‘If I need guidance, I will look to my second in command.’

Mircalla cannot hold back a small smirk, and walks around the horse to Laura. She puts a hand on the back of the smaller woman’s neck, putting their foreheads together.

‘I love you, Lauronica Mars,’ Mircalla whispers so low that not even Clarke can hear, and Laura smiles tearily.

‘You too, you stupid vampire.’

Laura doesn’t watch as her soulmate speeds away down the left line to join Octavia.

A minute later, Laura speaks again.

‘800 metres.’

Indra sparks to life on the radio.

‘They’re getting close, almost within firing range, do I have permission.’

‘Wait.’

‘600 metres!’

The JusTriKru can be seen now, and they’re coming at a frightening speed.

‘500 metres.’ Laura sounds worried now.

‘Clarke! We’ll be firing too close to you!’

‘Hang on!’

Clarke turns to Lexa, who swivels her head towards the TuHeda. The former Commander of the Sky People takes a stab in the dark.

‘To those we’ve lost.’

Lexa’s eyes widen slightly, but she doesn’t flinch.

‘And to peace we shall soon find.’

Clarke turns back to see the JusTriKru.

‘400 metres!’

Her mind turns silent.

 _Breathe out_.

‘Fire.’

As soon as the hail of bullets and arrows hits the first line of the JusTriKru, she sees red, and cries out with all she has.

‘Attack!’

It was like an unstoppable wave, one that surfers would have once been overcome by in the distant blue oceans. Or maybe even a wall that moved further and further, closing in until it crushed everything in its path.

They were a force that would not be brought down.

The horses in front charge the line, and Clarke gets ready to bring her sword down. She sees Lexa, who although might be terrified inside does not show it. It reminds her of the Commander she once allied with in battle. The one that would do anything for her people.

It’s at that moment she realises, just before she hits the first soldiers, that that is where her problem lies.

They are the same person. Memories don’t mean nothing, but they mean little when it comes to muscle memory, and the most basic human instincts a person possesses.

Lexa is still Heda. Even without all her memories.

She’s still the terrifying Queen.

Clarke uses that in her head to spur her on.

She summons all her strength and swings herself off her horse, kicking a warrior in the head then landing feet first, sword in hand and at the ready for the huge warriors that run at her full steam.

She begins to fight, almost like a rhythmic dance that was choreographed just for her. She takes account of all sides, never neglecting an angle, and almost always fighting more than one person at once.

Having spent so long alone, she’d developed her sword fighting skills massively, and in the last days since returning to TonDC she’d perfected them with more than one opponent.

She is masterful, and quick. Men are cut down left and right, and she slices a warrior’s stomach before looking around momentarily for Lexa.

She sees her, grabbing a man from behind who was at least half a foot taller than her, using all her upper body strength as she dangled from his shoulders to snap his neck, setting herself down on the ground as the soldier fell roughly to his knees.

Clarke continues to fight, knowing they may just come out of this alive.

~()~

Thud.

Octavia cuts down another man twice her size but she’s still less than satisfied with her work. She turns around and continues to fend off warrior after warrior, using her sword in an expert manner.

She only freezes in place when she realises that a sword is pressed heavily to the back of her neck.

Fifty metres in front of her, Mircalla has stopped fighting and has seen Octavia’s situation.

She mouths at her, ‘dagger by your feet’.

Octavia glances down and knows she hasn’t much time.

So she takes her chance.

She swiftly leans down and away from the sword; swiping the dagger and twisting round, she drives it into the man’s side, just in the gap of his armour.

He drops the sword that had been in his hand and sputters, before Octavia grows tired of watching his slow stagger and slices into his neck to finish him off.

When she stands up straight again, she sees Mircalla standing in front of her.

‘Thanks,’ she says quietly and quickly, itching to get back to battle.

‘No problem,’ she says, disappearing from view as she speeds away to find others to fight.

Octavia sees a warrior running at her with a raucous battle cry, and she sighs.

This is just too fucking easy.

~()~

Bellamy is down, and he’s not in the best of predicaments.

A large man is pressing his foot on his chest, and he’s struggling to breathe. He knows it won’t be long til he cracks a rib, then just crushes his chest entirely.

Then, he suddenly notices the expression on the man’s face. It’s pained, and frozen.

He falls heavily to the side of Bellamy, an axe stuck in his back.

Monty is standing there completely emotionless.

‘That was for my best friend, fucker.’

It’s the same man who had killed Jasper.

Bellamy scrambles to get up, and puts a hand on Monty’s upper arm, bringing him back to reality.

‘Hey. You did good. Are you okay?’

Monty looks at Bellamy for a second, sharing eye contact to stabilise himself.

‘I’m good. Let’s do this,’ he says, picking up the gun by the tree he’d put down to pick up the axe, and they run straight into another brute who Monty shoots in the head.

‘I’m not used to this and I never will be,’ he shouts as he runs like the wind, Bellamy trailing behind him while taking out a man by swinging his sword into his knees.

~()~

Murphy is running in an emptier part of the forest, people too busy to notice him as they fight their own battles.

He knows exactly what he wants, exactly what he’s looking for.

The he sees him.

He’s on his knees, praying to a God Murphy has never believed existed. Why would he? The Earth’s radiation ridden and people can literally never have peace. It’s Godforsaken if you ask him.

Murphy gets out his pistol and shoots a tree next to Jaha.

The man flickers to life and looks in Murphy’s direction.

He doesn’t rise from his knees, and instead turns to beg him.

For what?

Mercy?

John Murphy never has, and never will do mercy.

Ever.

He throws his pistol to the side, and pulls a sword from his back.

‘Get up, Thelonious.’

‘John, please,’ he says. ‘You are better than a mindless fighter.’

‘You trained for this, Jaha. Now use it. Get up. Pick up your sword.’

‘John, I lost my way. I turned my back on my people, I’m sorry.’

Murphy throws dirt in his face. He doesn’t care how low this is. This man deserves it.

‘You made a deal with them, you asshole! Does your freedom and your freaking promised land mean more to you than the people who voted for you?! You’re a despicable excuse for a man, and that’s coming from me. Congratulations. You hit rock bottom. Now pick up your sword and fight me, Thelonious. Die in dignity.’

‘Don’t you dare call me an excuse for a man, John Murphy. You have killed, and you have been merciless. Change that today.’

Murphy freezes, his sword being gripped in his hand so hard that his skin is turning whiter than white.

‘I killed people?’

Jaha realises what he’s done, and slowly picks up his sword.

‘You killed most of our parents. You killed Clarke’s father. You killed Bellamy’s mother. You killled my parents. You’re dying for them!’

He lunges at Jaha with his sword and the man barely blocks it. You wouldn’t have thought he had gone through intensive fight training.

They spar for a minute or so, Jaha mostly on the back foot.

Finally, Murphy takes his chance with the upper hand and jars Thelonious’ hand, causing him to drop his weapon.

He points his sword as his neck, and they are back to the start. Jaha on his knees. Begging for mercy.

‘John, you can be an honourable man today. I can come back, and I can start again. Please.’

‘Honourable?’ Murphy mutters, his expression stoic and unrelenting.

‘I will never be honourable. Clarke would probably tell me to keep you alive. Maybe Bellamy would too.’

‘Then be like them. Show you can be merciful. Power is mercy.’

‘I don’t want power. And I’m not like them.’

He stabs Jaha in the chest, right in the centre. He knows it won’t kill him instantly, and it’s enough to cause him some pain.

He doesn’t fall for a second, still groaning with a high pitch from the sword still stuck in his chest.

Murphy keeps hold of the hilt, and leans down to him.

‘That was for those on the Ark who had more honour than you. We don’t need you anymore.’

He smiles wickedly.

‘Fuck you.’

He pulls out the sword and lets Jaha fall to the ground, dead with his eyes still wide open.

Murphy spits on his lifeless body, walks to pick up his pistol and ambles away back into the throng of battle.

~()~

Clarke hasn’t seen Lexa for a while, and she’s beginning to panic.

As she pushes a warrior out of the way into the waiting sword that Wick’s holding, she takes another peripheral look around, not spotting her anywhere.

‘Lex, where are you?’

She spots Bellamy who’s fending off a man twice his size, and she jumps on the man’s back to unsettle him. Bellamy slices through his armour, and slices again through his abdomen.

He falls to the ground, and Clarke jumps off heavily.

‘Lexa’s gone.’

‘What do you mean she’s gone?’

‘I haven’t seen her,’ Clarke replied, shouting over the clamour of the battlefield.

In the next second, Laura appears by Clarke’s side, her features concerned.

‘Clarke, I saw them taking Lexa. In the direction of the village.’

Everything falls away.

The one thing she couldn’t bear was going to happen.

‘This is extremely undignified, but could you take me to them? Like, on your back?’

‘Absolutely, let’s go.’

‘Wait no. No, hang on. What about the battle? I’m supposed to be leading…I can’t…’

She realises in her head this is the choice Lexa had to make. Survival of the many outweighs the death of the few.

‘Go. We’ve got this,’ Octavia says, appear by her side having sliced a smaller warrior in half.

‘She’s right, Princess. We can take over till you get her back.’

She thinks for a moment, not sparing too much time. There’s hardly any left.

‘Alright. Octavia, I trust your judgement. If you feel we have the edge, once Indra’s battalion gets down here, go on the offensive. We’ve got them wrapped around our fingers.’

‘You got it, TuHeda,’ she says, running off to continue fighting.

‘Go. We’ll be here when you get back.’

She gives Bellamy a strained smile, jumping on Laura’s back and speeding through the forest.

 _Hold on, Lex_.

~()~

She wakes up to a blurry face much too close for comfort.

When she realises that it is Zakur, she begins to tremble. She’s terrified. She squirms and struggles, realising she’s pinned to the wall of her own godforsaken settlement.

She wants to hyperventilate, but she doesn’t have the stomach to look so panicked in front of this brute of man, his evil smile showing his disgusting set of teeth and the scars on his chest showing in the cracks of his minimal armour.

The only good thing about this is she knows Clarke isn’t in danger from him.

What’s more, she’s seen her train in the last few days. She’s more than capable of looking after herself on the battlefield.

Part of her wants Clarke to come and save her. But the other wants her to stay away, keep safe, and she hate herself for letting this brute who’s apparently her brother let her kidnap her right under her feet.

‘What do you want?’

‘You know exactly what I want, Lexa. Sister,’ he says, dragging out the last word on his tongue.

She wants to throw up.

‘Yu gonplei kamp raun em en nou ai. Let the battle end and you may have me.’

‘You give up so easily, sister. Please, at least give me some fight like you used to.’

‘Go to hell.’

She’d learned that from Octavia. Good. He deserves it.

And so much more.

‘That’s more like it.’ He takes a knife from his belt and presses it against her neck, letting it cut just into her skin.

She pretends not to feel the pain. It won’t go away, but it makes it easier.

‘Come on, weakling, that must have hurt a little.’

‘I’m not weak, Zakur, you are the weak one. Succumbing to revenge.’

That enrages him.

He throws her to the ground, and she hits her head roughly against the leg of the battle strategy table, sending her hazy.

But not for long.

~()~

Clarke jumps off of Laura’s back, looking at the tent. It’s heavily guarded.

‘Shall we dance?’

The TuHeda eyes the vampire with a small amount of glee in her eyes, a sinister glee that only comes from the death of enemies. Part of her doesn’t like it. But it’s necessary, to get the Heda back on her rightful pedestal.

‘Oh yeah.’

They run together, Laura then pulling away to catch the guards by surprise.

Clarke runs at the first one, not even giving him a chance to pull his sword from his belt before slicing into his neck, not bothering to watch as he drops to his knees with a quiet, gurgling cry.

Laura brings the other two guards away from the entrance to the tent, quietly ending them with a bite and a slash.

It’s only after there is only one guard left that she collapses to the ground.

Clarke sees it happen, her heart stopping as she’s about to stabbed in her unbeating heart.

She breathes. And then she runs

The TuHeda pushes herself forward with her most powerful stride, running in an almost superhuman-like way.

Just before Laura is about to be struck, Clarke’s sword clangs mightily with the warrior’s.

Clarke whirls around, hitting her sword on his again, and moves quickly around him as he tries to catch up.

A couple of moves later, and the speed is too much for the warrior. Clarke is covering too much ground.

He makes one wrong jab, and Clarke has cut his hand away, his sword still being held in it as it hits the ground.

He hardly has time to scream in pain when the TuHeda uses the hilt of her sword to give a staggering blow to his head, knocking him unconscious, maybe even dead.

Clarke doesn’t pay attention as she drops to Laura’s side, seeing her look even paler than her usual ivory.

‘Laura, what’s wrong?’

‘I…didn’t.. fe..’

‘Mircalla! MirCALLA!’ Clarke is panicking now.

‘Try…try Carmilla.’

‘What?’

‘That’s her name. Carm…’

Her eyes are drooping, and Clarke slaps her cheek softly to try and keep her awake.

‘Stay with me, Laura, come on. CARMILLA!’

Seconds later, Carmilla appears by Laura’s other side, grabbing her face with both her hands and looking stricken.

‘She hasn’t fed. She’s going into anaemic collapse.’

‘Vampires can do that?’

‘Oh, hell yes. I need to get her blood. Now. I have to take her.’

‘Go. Go, get her safe, get her better.’

Carmilla picks up her mate easily, looking at Clarke with the most sincere face that any of the TriKru would have ever seen on the vampire.

‘Thank you.’

‘Thank you. You both have helped us more than we deserve.’

‘Go and get Lexa. And no matter what she tells you…she needs you.’

Clarke nods once, and watches her begin to leave.

‘Why did you change your name?’

‘The only one who calls me Carmilla is Laura. It was a time special to us. I’d appreciate if you’d keep that to yourself.’

‘Of course. Now go. I’ve got something to do.’

She doesn’t stay to watch the vampire speed up to their cave in the mountain.

~()~

She looks up at him, her eyes widening.

‘You will regret coming after me.’

‘Will I?’

He grabs her and pulls her up roughly, pushing her against the wall once again as she struggles with more fervour and rips away her armour and her top, showing her midriff bare for but a bra.

‘We have a tradition in our clan, dear sister. We make three cuts. Three cuts against our chest. If they survive, they become warriors.

‘Now we both know you don’t have the stomach for this. You’ll die a long, painful death. Like you should. You took the title from me, I should have been the Commander. You know that.’

She’s sure she hears shouts outside, and she considers crying for help. It wouldn’t be wise; he’d kill them too.

‘You never would have been. It only goes to those who are honourable, and put their people first.’

‘I have put my people first.’

‘By slicing into them and working them into suicide?’

‘It keeps them in line. That is what a leader should do, they should be strong. You are not. And now, your reign will end. The Commander’s spirit will never have been yours. I will make it as if you were never born.’

When Zakur’s face falls, Lexa’s mouth falls open a little as she realises why.

‘Clarke, no.’

‘Let. Her. Go.’

Zakur looks over his shoulder as much as he can without moving, seeing a mane of blonde hair, war paint and a stony glare.

It all happens in an instant.

He turns around, batting the sword away roughly, but Clarke matches his speed as their swords clang together once, twice, three times. It’s only when Zakur takes the upper hand and punches Clarke in the face that she loses her focus, just for a fraction of a second. That’s all it takes.

He stabs his sword through the left side of her chest, and she stops breathing. She looks down at her wound, then into Lexa’s eyes.

All she sees is tears, and that impossibly beautiful green.

Then she falls.

Zakur turns back to Lexa, satisfied with his work. As he realises his half sister is about to weep, he smiles fully, even daring to laugh.

‘You cared for the wench. Cute.’

His smile disappears instantly, and he jams her against the wall once more, his forearm across her neck, choking her violently.

‘No one will save you now. You will succumb to the way of the JusTriKru, and the TriKru will die. It will be better without you. Nobody will ever miss you. I will make sure of that.’

Lexa waits for death. She does not care any more. She only wants to be with Clarke.

If that is the way, then so be it.

Just before she thinks she will see black, Zakur lets out a blood curdling cry of pain.

‘You missed.’

Clarke has slashed him in the side, through his muscle by his spine.

Before he can fall to his knees, Clarke grabs the back of his neck, pulling him away from Lexa and sending him crashing into the table, which is wrecked beyond repair.

He tries to breathe, but he can’t, not properly.

Clarke is in a trance. Her eyes are wide and murderous, and she’s pumping with adrenaline. She cannot even feel the wound in her chest as she grabs his collar roughly and looks straight into his terrified stare.

‘Rule one of battle strategy; make sure your enemy’s dead before turning your back,’ she sneers, taking a hand away from his collar and giving him an uppercut to the chin, breaking his jaw. He screams, and more pain comes from it.

Lexa simply watches as she lets Clarke batter her older brother.

She lands a few more punches.

‘The TriKru…do not deserve to lead,’ he spits out, blood coming from his puffy lips. It’s sickening. He turns to Lexa as best he can. ‘You and her together, you can’t lead an army. You can’t be warriors. You’re disgusting, mating together and pretending you can command a battlefield,’ he says, groaning in pain.

‘We commanded an army that took down your little tribe like it was an ant colony, you worthless piece of shit. And don’t you dare talk about her like that. She’s worth hundreds of you. She leads with ruthlessness, but she has mercy. My fellow generals will have mercy on the soldiers in your army that will surrender, and believe me, if they’re smart they will. You fucked with the wrong pair of Commanders. But me? I won’t be giving you any mercy at all.’

She looks up at Lexa. ‘Would you like the honours?’

Lexa’s face is emotionless, and it reminds Clarke of the old Commander. The one who gave her a truce for the price of a man. For the price of death.

And she loves that part of her too, because she’ll love all of her until the day she dies and more.

Lexa walks forward, the picture of prowess and even godliness. She’s put on a jacket from the corner of the room, covering herself if but enough.

She takes the dagger from Clarke, twirling it in her hands like the day she sat on her throne and met the Sky Princess.

‘I have only betrayed somebody once in my short life. But you betrayed me, time and time again. Now, for that, you will pay.’

She pushes the knife slowly in his airway, taking it out again as blood gushes from his neck and he fights pathetically for breath. He only lasts a few seconds before the horrible light in his eyes dies away, and he’s a lifeless corpse on the ruins of the table.

Clarke and Lexa look at him for some seconds. They should be horrified of what they’ve done. He’s Lexa’s half brother, or was. Yet, neither of them can bring themselves to care.

It only dawns on Clarke a few seconds later, what the last words she said to her brother meant.

‘Lexa…you…’

‘I remember, Clarke.’

_He throws her to the ground, and she hits her head roughly against the leg of the battle strategy table, sending her hazy._

_But not for long._

_Memories flood into her brain, all at once. It’s a torrent, an unstoppable waterfall._

_Anya teaching her to swordfight._

_Beating Zakur in the ring, him leaving forever._

_Him making an attempt on her life._

_Falling in love with Costia as they spar lightly, her dancing around the ring intoxicating Lexa’s mind and heart._

_Screaming in anguish when it’s her head on a spike launched into Polis outside her door._

_Ripping the head of the lover of the Ice Queen away, revelling in the feeling of revenge that eventually led her to be empty of feeling._

_Then, Clarke._

_Clarke._

_The infuriating but breathtaking blonde Sky Princess who wouldn’t give up, never gave in. Challenged her at every turn. Reminded her what it was like to feel human. To feel good again. To feel love._

_The kiss. The heart-stopping kiss. The glimmer of hope when she said not yet, instead of not ever._

_Watching her face fall and crumble as you tore yourself away, your people saved but not hers._

_Betrayal._

‘You…you remember? Everything?’

‘Yes. And I’m standing here wondering why on Earth you’re not running for the hills.’

Clarke closes her eyes, sighing heavily. She’s terrified to have the Lexa back who left her, but she knows in her heart she’ll not do it again.

‘Now isn’t the time for this, Lexa. Let’s…let’s go. Stop the battle. Bury our dead.’

Lexa follows her out of the tent and stops just outside the entrance.

‘We can start again.’

Clarke turns to her and almost laughs.

‘Lexa, Lexa. No. What happened in there, what happened at Mount Weather, what happened in the bunker…everything. It shapes who we are. And now I know that we can do it together.’

‘Clarke, I left you once. What’s to say I won’t hurt you again?’

The TuHeda’s face falls. ‘Lexa…stop assuming the worst of yourself.’

‘I can’t help it,’ she says, showing a weakness in her voice that she never has before. Not even without her memories.

Clarke puts her hands on her face, wiping at tears that aren’t there, looking straight into her forest green eyes and searching for truth, for happiness. It’s in there, she knows it is.

‘It took me so long to forgive you,’ she says, holding even tighter. ‘But I have. Because I know you. And I know we can protect each other. And I…’

‘Clarke? You what?’

‘I’m not sure you’re ready to hear me say it.’

Lexa’s eyes fill with emotion, so much emotion that she just hasn’t seen before. It’s like her warpaint isn’t even there, and just the scared, problematic but perfect woman is staring back at her.

‘Clarke, I have waited to hear you say it since the day we kissed,’ she says thickly.

Clarke lets out what sounds like a sob and a laugh at the same time.

‘I love you. I love you, I love you…’  
She kisses Lexa’s forehead, both her cheeks, and before she reaches her lips, Lexa tips her chin so she’s looking back into those impossible eyes and smiles the most full and wonderful smile she has ever seen.

‘I love you too, Clarke Kom TriKru. More than anything in this world and above,’ she murmurs, looking over Clarke’s face as if it is a masterful sculpture, crafted by the Gods themselves.

Clarke sobs again, and kisses Lexa on the lips with a fierceness she didn’t think she had in her.

Lexa pulls away softly, letting Clarke drag her bottom lip away from her mouth hotly and shivering.

She loves this woman more than her own life.

‘We have to go. Sort things out.’

‘Yeah.’

Lexa lets her forehead fall onto Clarke’s, and breathes in and out, slowly.

She’s so lucky.

They walk into the forest to the battlefield with swords out to protect themselves.

But they still knit their hands together loosely and shoot each other a smile at every glance.

~()~

‘They have surrendered!’

Cheers erupt at Bellamy’s declaration, and he smiles a little along with those who shout in glory.

It breaks into a full on grin when he sees Clarke and Lexa, walking together at the back of the army hand in hand.

Octavia sees too, and she begins to file through the army in pursuit of them both.

‘Clarke, are you okay?’

‘Yeah, just a flesh wound,’ she replies quickly, reaching out for Octavia as she nears them enough to touch.

Octavia launches into her friend’s arms. It may have taken them a while, but Clarke might as well be her sister after everything they’ve been through.

‘You need to get that checked out,’ Octavia says, tentatively inspecting the wound.

‘I’ll be fine,’ Clarke says, smiling at her, and launching into Bellamy’s arms as he comes bounding down the way.

‘Lexa, are you alright?’

‘I’m quite well, Octavia, thank you.’

Octavia eyes her for a minute, her answer a more formal one than she’s been used to recently.

‘Octavia I, um…I would like to tell you how sorry I am, for how things turned out in TonDC. With the missile. But you must understand it was a decision I had to make. And in the matter of betraying the Sky People…there is not much I can say apart from that I am sorry for that as well. You are a fierce warrior, and if you’ll allow it…I would look forward to having you back as Indra’s second. I am most certain she wants you as that permanently, even maybe moving you up to general in the near future. Your skills are palpable, and incredibly fast-growing. It would be an honour.’

Octavia stands there for at least ten seconds, trying to take this all in.

‘It would be a privilege, Heda.’

She offers her arm, and they link arms firmly, Lexa nodding her head once in acceptance.

What she doesn’t expect is Lexa pulling her in for a hug.

‘Thank you for bringing her back to me, Octavia. It saved me.’

‘I know.’

They separate, and smile knowingly at each other before they join Clarke and Bellamy.

‘Commander,’ he addresses her by her formal title. ‘I hear your memory has returned. Welcome back.’

‘Thank you, Bellamy. Actually, I have a proposition for you as well. I know that your proficiency with fighting is high, but there is a position that I would like to offer you. Both Indra I were talking before you came down that it would be beneficial for the children to learn about the history of our world… and Clarke has told me of your knowledge and interest. Would you be interested? Especially now that the Sky People are part of the TriKru clan. They are TriKru as much as us.’

Bellamy looks like he’s trying to hide is sheer excitement at the prospect. He bows his head a little, and smiles in kind. ‘I would love to.’

Lexa smiles.

‘You will be keeping your position as TuHeda, I assume?’

‘Of course,’ Clarke replies with a smirk. ‘Somebody’s gotta help you.’

Lexa smirks back and whispers in her ear. ‘Careful. Talk like that to Heda can result in punishment.’

‘That’s what I’m hoping,’ Clarke whispers back, her face completely serious as she kisses her cheek quickly and goes to find her mother.

Lexa has never felt so content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR READIN THIS IT IS FABULOUS TO GET ALL THESE BRILLIANT REVIEWS AND KUDOS YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME. Come yell at me about this story at dassoundmachina, and check out my other fics of Hollstein and Bechloe on my ao3 - uselesslesbianvampqueen. Cheers friends.

**Author's Note:**

> Go check out my tumblr at uselesslesbiancommander - I post many fandoms and I write stuff. Like this. This fic is tagged Amnesia!Fic.


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